It's July!!

Wow, time has flown by. Life has returned to what we now know as normal. Holly is talking a blue streak, all day long, and has officially entered the WHY stage. Every question is followed up with WHY. It can be exhausting, but, to me, the fact that this gives me a chance to explain things in even more detail to her is a bonus. It means she is still listening. There is a point where I just can't answer any more, and have to distract her onto something else, but, its a really good sign .

The only time she speaks Chinese is the occasional word or two here and there. It's sad to know she has lost much of her native language, and we did all we could to slow that process down, but, we knew her brain would have to make the switch at some point just for survival while she absorbs a completely new language.

Sundays have been a struggle. Holly did not like going to Primary, as it meant seperating from one of her grown ups, and being in a class with children she really doesnt know, except for her best buddy Savannah. She would do whatever it took to get out of it. Usually resorting to crying and asking to go home. I advised everyone to keep going with her, sitting with her, and just being a silent support system, but, to not give in to her insisting on leaving. For the most part she would resist just for a few minutes, and then natural curiosity of what was going on took over and she would be fine until something changed, like when it was time to go from group sharing time to her individual class. Then she would start in again until they were settled in the classroom. This went on, up and down, for months, and then, a couple of weeks ago she decided she was going to push Mindy's buttons, knowing both Mommy and Daddy were at work. She had a full on melt down, and it was just too disruptive to the rest of the class to keep her in the room. Mindy brought her outside and called me at work. I told her to just sit outside with her, do not take her home, and just wait til it was time for the rest of the kids to get out of class. As expected, as soon as class time was over, Holly reverted back to being happy as a clam.

So, when I got home I had Myleigh collect some crayons and paper and I sat them both down and had them watch as I drew a diagram of the church. I drew all of the rooms, and labeled them. We talked a bit about those rooms to make sure Holly understood that this was our church. Then I used different crayons to indicate each of us, and one for our car. I showed us driving our car to church, and parking in our usual spot. I made sure Holly was following along. I could tell she was not liking the part where we go to church, but, that was the focus of this exercise. To deal with what it was about going to church she didnt like. I had surmised that due to her stress level rising predictably whenever she didnt know for certain what was going on, it was the unknown that was making her afraid. Her abandonement issues were welling up inside her, and activating her fight or flight response. Since she couldnt fight it, she was trying to escape going all together.

As I showed us walking together into church, and going into the chapel, as we always do first, she was only ok with it, but, was watching with interest. I talked about all the things that happen in the chapel, and she went along. Then I said it was time to go to Primary. She glanced up at me with reservation but didn't really protest yet. I said, Holly and Myleigh hold hands and walk nicely to sharing time. I showed them and traced their path, and then traced Myleigh going to her seat in sharing time, and Holly going to hers, and talked about how Savannah was there, and her teacher, and all the other kids in Holly's class. Then we talked about all the things that happen in sharing time. I showed her how Mommy, and Daddy go to their class. She was very interested in that, and I did it twice to really make it sink in, and so she could see on the diagram exactly where we are in relation to where she is.

And then, it was time to go to class. This was when I could see her stiffen up and start to get nervous. I told her how Myleigh goes to her class with her teacher, and traced Myleigh's path. Then I said Holly goes to her class with her teacher and with Savannah and then traced their path. I showed her how the chairs are arranged in the classroom, and asked if that was right. She agreed, and I asked where she would sit. She pointed and I drew her there. Suddenly she was liking this game and really started to play along. We talked about what happens in her class, and then I showed her that Mommy and Daddy go to a different class now, and traced us on our paths. She followed intently.

Then it was time to go home. I showed how Holly waits in her class with her teacher until Mommy or Daddy or Mindy or Myleigh come to get her. Then I showed Myleigh coming from her class all the way around the hallway and how we all meet together, get our jackets, and go to our car, and drive home. The story was complete and she could see every step and knew where everyone was, that we didnt leave her alone in the building, and that we all get together again and go home together. She sighed very deeply and smiled. Then, we told the story all over again, but, this time, she told much of it. I would ask her now and then, Where is Mommy, or Where is Daddy's class. She could point them out quickly. I would ask her where Holly's class is, and again, she pointed it out quickly.

I figured, since I was more worried about how she would respond to going to kindergarten next month than how we would deal with church, that it was time to add another drawing, so I drew the school. Then I went through much the same process to show her what school days are like. She really liked this, and because of the church game, she understood how to play so she jumped right in. Then, after telling the school game a couple of times, I told her that on school days we don't go to church, and on church days we don't go to school.

So, over the coming week, I kept the drawings on my dresser and she would come into my room and we would talk about the games. On the very next Sunday, Tim had the drawing with him, and she didn't even need it. She went happily to primary with Myleigh, and then to her class, and ended the day happily,. When I came home from work she was anxious to tell me she went to primary and didn't cry at all. She high fived me, and we hugged. I could see she was so proud that she had mastered such a huge hurdle.

I feel a lot less nervous about how we will get through the first few days of kindergarten now.