Easter's coming

Sunday is Easter, and Holly is so far not terribly confused by the baskets with fake grass, and the bunnies all over the house. I think she flows with whatever happens around here pretty well. I would be very interested in what she thinks of the actual events of the weekend, right down to taking perfectly good boiled eggs, dipping them in dye and making them different colors, and then just leaving them until the next morning, when she wakes up, and they are all gone. No wait. They're not gone. They're outside,... in the grass... under buckets... in bushes... all over the place. Then, what happens next is even stranger. We run around the yard finding the eggs, putting them in our baskets, but we aren't concerned about the fact that they were outside getting dirty. We are thrilled to find each and every one, not at all angry or upset. Happily we take them back into the house where we... wait for it.. ..we eat them.

We crazy Americans. What will we think of next. Uhm, when should I tell her about Halloween?

Life around here has taken a new normal path. Now that both Tim and I are back at work, Holly has had to get used to our comings and goings, and she has done pretty well, since the girls brought her to see me in dispatch. Once I had gotten home, she was fine again. It was as if she had processed that I don't just disappear, and I really am at an identifiable place. I always come home from that place. It's called Work, and Daddy goes to a place called Work, too. He always comes home, too. Now that she understands, she's fine with it.

Her language acquisition is really picking up. She says most things in English now, or at least combines English and Chinese in the same sentence, using Chinese when she doesn't know how to say it in English. She still grieves now and then, not for very long, but, it still happens. I'm guessing that when she comes out of her grieving, as long as we are very normal with her, and not pitying or overly concerned, she is better able to get back to feeling content. It just wouldn't do her any good, since we don't really have the ability to get inside her head and know exactly what she is mourning or who. We just let her know that she is safe with us, and we love her and we know she is sad and that's ok. She has the right to feel sad.

I'm back on the naughty list .

Holly has not been very happy about my going back to work. It's bad enough that I can't really explain to her about where I'm going or for how long, but, it's worse that I have to leave home at 6am and she doesn't wake up until after 7, so she doesn't even know I have left. I'm just not there when she wakes up and I don't get home until after 7pm. I've had to do this for three days now, and have one more full day to go. From the very first day she has been standoffish, and not very interested when I come home. It takes me just picking her up and hugging her to get any contact with her at all. Each day she is more detached, and today, after asking for someone to bring her to work to see me everyday, finally, the girls brought her. She wanted nothing to do with me, wouldn't even come near me, and held on to Katie with a death grip.

So, Im back in the dog house, Mindy and I will just have to keep each other company.

I'm sure she will eventually get used to me being gone for work. In a few weeks my schedule changes, and I'll leave for work in the evening and be home but sleeping for most of the day. It will be weekends, so, I'll have the weekdays home with her. I don't know if that will patch things up,but, I have to work, so, I have no choice but to be patient while she sorts it all out, and her language improves to the point where I can explain it to her and she'll get it.

Back to work..... sigh

Today is my first full day back to work, yesterday I worked my four hour short shift, and now I'm just about done with my first of four 12 hour shifts this weekend. Holly has had several melt downs today, but, Katie and Mindy navigated them, using my tactics of just being there and letting her work through it without getting angry or upset with her. We just let her vent for a while, and then, when she is ready, love her right back to being happy again.

Myleigh is having some issues with having Holly always up in her business. She's needing some space and probably some Mom and Me time. It's gonna be a few days before I can do anything about that, but, maybe Daddy will do. Tonight is the Timpview High School Ballroom Company's Luau, so, we'll all go have a night of fun and then back to the grind tomorrow.

Last night Mindy had her first pageant contestant meeting for Miss Salem 2010. Being the second attendant from 2009 makes the process less stressful, and we feel so much more prepared than last time. We have all the clothes, and makeup, and jewelry, and shoes, and the talent portion is coming together nicely. Music's cut, costume is ready, and choreography is almost complete. She competes on May 29th, so, we have time to polish everything up. Oh I hope she gets the crown this time, because we could really use the scholarship money.

Spring is coming next week, as the hottest day of the year is set for Monday, and I am so excited to get outside and start planting seeds and bulbs, and just get some sun and exercise. Maybe I'll start taking walks with Holly to bring Myleigh home, so she gets used to the routine for the fall. Can't wait to throw open all the windows, and maybe even get them washed.

Two more days and it's back to work for me

I just have today and tomorrow, and then I start back at work for a 5 day stint. The first day is just a four hour morning shift, but, then I have four 12 hour days in a row through the weekend. I'm not looking forward to it, but, since we were hit with such a huge tax bill this year, we need the money and I'll be doing this alot.

We can't claim the adoption tax credit this year since the adoption wasn't final until after the first of the year, so, we have to soak up the bills until next tax season. It'll be tough, and sacrafices will have to be made, but, we'll handle it.

Tim has been back to work since a week after we got back from China. During that time Holly has adjusted to her new life pretty well, and has taken to speaking more English than Chinese. If I were to really count, I think she knows over 100 words in English, and is now substituting those words for the Chinese even in sentences that are nearly all Chinese. Yesterday we were looking at the photo album the orphanage gave us, and there is a picture of the head nannie, who she calls Woh Jee Mama, putting Holly's shoes on her. She spouted something off in Chinese, and when she got to the word for shoes, she said "shoes" instead of Hiyah. Steady progress.

Today we registered Holly for kindergarten, and found out she needs another shot, one that is required by Utah but not by the US dept of health, and if I can't find her TB certificate, she will need that redone as well. I believe the test results are included in the consulate paperwork, and we didn't get any of that back, and won't, so, she may just have to have it done again. We have all summer to do it, so, I'm not rushing it until she speaks enough English where I can explain it to her.

She is making peace with her sister Mindy. It took having Mindy be the only one of us that reads bedtime stories to the girls. This made her special, and gave her a chance to show off what makes Mindy fun. Her acting skills and ability to create voices and make stories come alive.

Her likes have grown since we got home
Spongebob
Ni Hao Kai Lan
The Wiggles
Teletubbies
and interestingly enough, Dancing With The Stars

She still loves bananas, and any kind of noodles, but has added Cheezits, Crystal Light, ginger snaps, meat of all kinds, fish of all kinds, french fries, chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, and grapes. She is learning to like oranges, apples, other kinds of potatoes, salad dressings other than catalina, and more than just the toppings on pizza.

Holly has also made peace with the dogs, and has no fear or concern about them at all anymore. She especially likes to make them come in and go out on command.

Myleigh spends a lot of time playing teacher to Holly, teaching her numbers and letters, and how to write her name. As her language skills improve, we can work more on those things, but, Myleigh is doing an amazing job just playing school.

She has a fixation on dressing just like Myleigh, and will look for matching shirts when they get dressed in the morning. Still, she knows what side of the closet is hers, and which dresses are hers, and enjoys pointing out what is "Jun Jun's". There have been a few tears over what Holly wants to be hers that is truly Myleigh's, especially when Myleigh has had a long day already and just doesn't want to deal with the argument. Mom usually has to intercede and take on Holly's strong willed nature and put her in her place. I'm so glad she was taught discipline, as she responds very positively when I tell her no, or explain to her that she needs to stop something. Once in a while she gets upset, but, normally she is fine with it.

The first party!

I work with the best people on the planet, I just want to say that first thing, because I appreciate each and every one of them. Last night a group of friends from work held a shower for Holly, and it was her first experience going to a social event. She was fine til we got through the door, and she was met with a bunch of smiling faces and balloons, and lots of happy chatter directed pretty much in her direction. Most kids would beam and glow at being the center of such attention, but, as she doesn't really like new situations she did about what I expected her to do. She frowned, clung to Daddy, and bordered on crying for about the first hour we were there. I had said to Tim that he should carry her in, but, she was in such a hurry to keep up with Myleigh, who shot ahead of us to get to be the one to ring the doorbell, that he didn't get to her until we were all inside and she came face to face with all the new people.

I just said for everyone to ignore her, which is our strategy when she is feeling overwhelmed by a new experience. We just turn our attention away from her, interact in the new situation with a very matter-of-fact attitude, and just let her settle in and decide for herself that it's ok, no big deal, and she can relax and feel safe. She sat on Tim's lap most of the time, and once I saw she was just keeping some of the pouting going because she wanted to broadcast to everyone not to take her from Daddy, and keep them at arms length, I decided it was time to draw her out.

It was time to open presents, so, I offered her the first one, knowing full well she would just say no, or should I say "back" which is her new word to say when she is rejecting something. I'm not sure yet if she means to get it away or if she thinks she's saying "bad" but I'm leaning toward "bad". I used my most successful tactic to get her to loosen up, I teased her. I would pretend that I was going to open it, but, not let her see it. I showed everyone but her, and we all made a big deal about what was inside, so, by the time I showed it to her, she was very interested in it. We did that with most of the presents, trying a couple of times to get her to open one, but, she was happy to let me do it for her. As she relaxed more and more, she started to smile, and laugh, and actually interacted with people. She eventually got down and stood away from Tim, but, not for very long.

All in all it was a good experience for her, and I think in spite of herself she had a good time.

She wasn't the least bit interested in playing with any of her new toys at the party, as I expected, but, once we got home, she was into all of them, again, as I expected. I had to tell her to put them down, since it was past her bedtime, but, first thing this morning she tore into each and every one, and is now wearing some of the clothes, and is playing with the toys. With each one, she shows them to me and says "wohdee" which means mine in Chinese.

Each time she has a new experience, it confirms for her that she has a good life here, and helps her trust the experiences yet to come.

She's calling us new names, or she's using our names to mean something new. She has started calling Tim and I "mamalee" and "babalee" She'll do that when she's looking for us. It could mean where is Mama and Baba, but, I'm not sure about that. It sounds so cute. I'll be in another part of the house, and hear her calling "mamalee, mamalee!" .

We've been working with her to not only preserve her Chinese language as much as possible, but, to learn to speak English. She watches her Chinese children's DVD's pretty much everyday. We will use some of the Chinese we know, which is limited, and not correct her if she uses a Chinese word for something. On the other hand, if she is just using hand signals and pointing instead of saying an English word, I insist that she try. Sometimes she'll be stubborn, but, most of the time she gives it a try, and is proud of herself when she gets the big response from us, and especially when she says something in English without being prompted and she knows she has mastered that word. Yesterday she said her first full sentence in English with no prompting at all.

Most of the day she and I spend together and she chatters away in Chinese, with me doing my best to understand what she's trying to say, and her doing the same. Somehow we figure it all out, and have conversations. Well, it was time to play outside, and she knew she needed shoes and a jacket on. She looked around for a bit, and then came to me and said "Where are my shoes?" It was as exciting for me as if she were an infant taking her first steps.

Time flies when you're having fun

It's been a while since my last post. We've been pretty busy around here, and I am hoping things settle down a bit before I have to go back to work. We've figured out the day care situation, so that Holly doesn't have to go to a day care or babysitter. Our schedules will rotate around each other to some degree, and when they don't, Mindy will be home, so, we're all set.

Holly will have a difficult time getting used to Mama being gone so much, but, at least she won't have the stress of having to be with strangers not in her own home where things are familiar. The language barrier still exists, but, for us, it's not as much of a challenge, as we know her so well that there have only been a few times lately that we couldn't decipher what she was trying to tell us or what she was feeling. One of those times was yesterday morning.

Tim went into the girls room to get Myleigh up for school, and both girls were still sound asleep. When he was moving around the room, Holly woke up, and immediately started to cry, as if she had been having a nightmare. He picked her up and tried to figure out what was wrong, but, she just sobbed and sobbed. He made breakfast for both of them, but, she wouldn't eat. She just cried. I took her and Myleigh up to brush their teeth, and she really didn't want to cooperate, but, relented. I tried to figure out if she wasn't feeling well, or if she hurt somewhere, but, that wasn't easy, since she just wanted to cry. No fever, no wincing if I picked her up or touched her arms legs, or tummy, no sign of obvious illness. So, there was just one thing left to try.

I put in the Chinese DVD we had gotten at the Trustmart in Guangzhou of a children's performance group singing and dancing to celebrate Chinese New Year, into my laptop, and sat her on my chair at the table. She immediately quieted and just sat for about an hour watching without moving. I gave her some cherrios, no milk, in a bowl, and she munched on them while she watched quietly. After a bit, she started to interact with us, and smile. She was slowly back to her old cheery self, and asked to watch some of the other DVD's in Chinese, and then lost interest and started to shadow me again. She even helped me to let the dogs out of their crates, which is huge for her since it involves going down into the basement which is a fear of hers since it's where the dogs are kept and even though our basement is finished and like the rest of the house, it's still a basement, underground, so, not something she likes to do.

The rest of the day she was happy as a clam. All I can figure out is that she was grieving and wanting her foster grandparents, and was frustrated that she couldn't tell us, because she couldn't talk to us, so, the Chinese being sung and spoken was soothing and gave her a chance to at least hear words she knows and listen to songs she is familiar with. It's like calling home.

Conquering the fear of dogs

Seems that our strategy worked. Holly Jun is much more comfortable with the dogs, and has even begun to boss them around a bit. We took it slow, and tried to be very matter of fact. We gave her time with each dog, one on one, and did not give into her attempts to just avoid them. We would walk her through the room they were in, and kept telling her it was ok, and see, the doggies like you.

Over the past two weeks she has gone from screaming in fear at their presence in the same room, to trotting out to the backyard to get her hat when the dogs were out there, and she knew it. She didn't hesitate for a second, just marched out, with them following close behind. I hadn't even realized she had gone out there until she came back in, proudly carrying her hat and telling the dogs that they could not come in, in Chinese of course.

By not making a big deal of it, and not keeping the dogs away from her, or reinforcing her fear by overreaction whenever the dogs came too close or by always keeping them separate, I think she had a sense that when we said it was ok, we were telling her the truth, and she trusted us. I hope that by learning she can trust when we say something will be ok, she will be less upset at changes as they come, which they will when she goes to kindergarten in the fall.

Figuring out clothing sizes

So, after much trial and error, and knowing that Asian children have basically no tush and long legs, and long torsos, big round heads, we have narrowed down clothing sizes.

She currently fits nicely into size 5 slim bottoms, and size 6/6x tops. She could even wear 7/8 tops, but, the 6's are a better fit. She wears size 10 1/2 shoes, not the size 4's the orphanage told us, which is a relief since that means her feet are not out of proportion from the rest of her.

She loves to go shopping for clothes. This girl knows what she likes and doesn't like, and has very particular taste. We've had to do a lot of shopping to size up what I had gotten for her before we went to China. After a few trips, I took her to Walmart and we were passing the children's clothing section, and she got a confused look on her face and pointed at the clothes and said "Mama?!" as if to ask why we weren't stopping there. When I told her no and shook my head, she got a very teenage looking disgusted expression on her face and sighed.

So, if you're adopting from China, and you have been given measurements that seem out of whack, take them with a grain of salt.

She's a SWAT girl now.

Holly found my SWAT DOG hat in my closet and immediately put it on. She even pulled her pony tail through the hole in the back, so, I'm thinking somebody taught her how to do that in China, because none of us did. She likes the hat and wears it almost constantly, so, when Myleigh got home from school, and saw Holly wearing mine, she ran and got hers and then of course, later on, there was a mix up of who's was whose. So, I put their names in their respective SWAT hats, and now they're happy.

The first day at Church

Here are the girls, or the Little Girls as Myleigh likes us to call them since Katie and Mindy are the Girls, on their first Sunday going to church together. It was an exciting time for Myleigh, getting to show off her new sister, and Holly did well right up until it was time to be in a classroom for Primary, and then she had a little meltdown. She wanted Daddy, so I relented given the stress of the situation, and took her to him in Priesthood session. She apparently then was ok til he took her to his classroom, and she cried, then snuggled and fell asleep, and then woke up and cried, and then when she saw Myleigh after classes were out, she was a happy camper again. What she learned was that we go to these classes, and then we all get back together, so, next week should be a little better. We'll see.

Me and my shadow

Since the kids have been back in school for a few days this week, and Tim has either been at work or at training, it's been just Holly and me most of the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon. She spends every second being with me, following me wherever I go, and helping me to do whatever I'm doing. This kid really likes to help. Right now she's organizing the grocery bags that are sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for me to take them to the cold storage room to sort the groceries onto the shelves. I just put them in a pile, but, she has now sorted and lined them up neatly.

Myleigh likes to teach her little sister new things, and yesterday she taught Holly to count to 20 in English. Mostly she just repeats what Myleigh says, but, after a while I expect it will be something she really has learned to do. Her bigger sisters have taught her to say thank you and your welcome. She has learned to say shoes, bye bye, no (which is now her new favorite word), banana, and calls everyone by name. She still uses a lot of Chinese, and gets a bit frustrated sometimes when she's really trying to tell us something and we aren't getting it, but, for the most part she understands that we don't speak Chinese and does what she can to help us. Such a patient child.

The morning meltdowns have ended. On Friday she went with Tim to take Myleigh to school, and I guess she didn't understand that Myleigh was going to leave the car without them and they were going to come back home. She cried and cried for about an hour. I took her with me that afternoon to bring Myleigh home, and it must have clicked in her head what was going on, because on Monday we took Myleigh to school and she was fine, even seemed content to leave her there. When Myleigh came home in the afternoon she was thrilled, but, not surprised.

Each day she lets me deeper into her world and into her heart. She has been happily spending days with just me, and likes to go places with me in the car. Then, yesterday, there was another sudden breakthrough. We were at the Timpview high school ballroom for Mindy's lesson. We had to sit around and wait while Mindy and David danced for an hour, and that meant the girls were going to get bored, which they did. It wasn't long before they were both sitting on my lap, which Holly has never done before, and after a few minutes, Holly actually snuggled. I'm in!

Mindy is still dealing with the fallout from pretending to cry when Holly got a bit too rough in her playing and hit her. That was over a week ago, but, Holly has not forgiven her entirely, and still pushes her away when she tries to play or love on her. It's getting better, but, I can tell it hurts her, especially since she was the favorite for the first week, and now, she can't even pick her up without a protest. In time it will be fine, but, Holly has to deal with the way Mindy is, and how she teases and pretends, which obviously we can't explain to her. Mindy was all fun and frolic until she did something Holly couldn't interpret, and that was that. It's such a fine line we all walk, realizing that some things just can't happen until we can say to her in words she will understand that this is ok or that is ok and not to worry about it.

The dogs are still an issue for her. We try to keep them outside or in their crates to some degree, but, give her some interaction with them increasingly so she will slowly get comfortable with them. More and more we just leave them in and just let her know that they are inside so she isn't surprised. A couple of times she has encountered them and been ok, not thrilled, but, the less they pay attention to her the easier it gets. And then there was last night. She had been in the office with Myleigh playing with their kitchen set, and Myleigh decided to come into the kitchen, where the dogs were, and show us something. After a bit I asked where Holly was, and we went looking for her. I found her upstairs on her bed, and when she saw me she cried. I brought her downstairs, and she immediatley started looking for the dogs, and that told me pretty much what I think happened. She tried to follow Myleigh, saw that the dogs were inside, and didn't know how to tell us that she wanted to come into the kitchen, too. She went to her bedroom where she knew the dogs could not go. They are only allowed in the kitchen and dining room, but, she worries that they will be able to come down the hallway to the office, so she doesn't trust that she is safe there. The dogs have never done anything to be concerned about, except that Duncan, the Westie, is very interested and wants desperately to sniff her to figure her out, and she wants none of that, which makes him that much more determined, and Daisy the Pomeranian is such a clown, she bounces and dances around constantly, which freaks Holly out, because she is so unpredictable.

I'm planning to do more proactive interaction with her this week with the dogs. Already I have had her give them treats from the safety of the loveseat in the dining room, and have had her stand beside me on the floor as they walked around, and she was ok with that, so, I expect slow but steady progress with a few set backs along the way. By the end of the month we should be able to have her not so afraid, maybe just cautious.