Holidays

Halloween is behind us, Thanksgiving was just yesterday, and Christmas is on its way. Holly is the most excited kid on the planet this season, she really understands what each holiday brings, and is relishing each detail in ways that have made them brand new for all of us.



Halloween. The lead up was interesting, trying to give her an idea of why everyone will be dressed up, and preparing her for the scary and sometimes gruesome way people celebrate. We did the best we could without exposing her to the gruesome stuff. Choosing a costume was easy, she just wanted to be spongebob and that was it. She would see other costumes, usually super heroes, and would get all excited at the idea of dressing up like that, but, as soon as she saw her spongebob costume, it was love. On Halloween night she wasn't too sure about going up to strangers houses and knocking on the door, but, when Myleigh led the way, she was fine. After that first door, she was running from house to house. At one point she said "I so esited, I love Halloween." After a few houses, she decided she wanted to take a turn ringing the doorbell, so from then on they traded off on each house. After about two hours, she was tuckered out and wanted to go home, so, we made a round about path back to our house, as Myleigh wanted to hit some more houses before being done. Holly was content with what she had, and just walked along with us. Then, at home, the two dumped out their bags and the trading and gorging started. Holly even took a turn handing out candy to trick or treaters. She loved every minute of it.



Thanksgiving- The morning came with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. I missed it as I was sleeping after working til 7am, but, the girls tell me that she was most excited when she saw Santa at the end of the parade. She been telling us that she loves Santa and wants to hug him when we go to see him. That should be interesting. Then it was dinner time. If there's one thing Holly is very clear about, it's what she likes to eat and what she does not. The big hit for the day, egg nog, or as Holly says it, neg nog. She does not like cranberry sauce, or gravy.



Christmas, well , that's all month long, really. We set up and lit our outside decorations on Thanksgiving, as per our tradition, and she really liked that, but, her favorite part, so far, was decorating the tree this afternoon. Her only disappointment was when we ran out of things to put on the tree.



Next week is her 6th birthday, but, for us, it's her first birthday since we brought her home, so, it's a much bigger deal than just turning 6. She will also be blessed that day and her name officially written on the records of the church as Holly Jun Nicole Anderson. Her birthday present is a new razor scooter. We have been having her use Myleigh's old scooter, that has big chunky wheels and is harder to really get going because the hill on the way home from school is long and a little bit steep, so, it would have been harder for her to learn to manage controlling it if it rolled easily. Now that she has really mastered it, she should be fine handling the razor kind.

School Days

Holly started kindergarten on August 31st. It was so hard for her to wait a whole week after everyone else had started school, as the district here in our area has kindergarten start a week after all the other grades. I don't understand it, Im sure they have a reason that I won't agree with. Once it was her day to go to school, she was so excited. I was anticipating a melt down once we got to the room and the reality of mommy leaving her there with strangers set in, but, no. She took to school like a duck to water.

I had prepared her with the same kind of "the whole story" that I had done for church. I drew a map of her school, with all the rooms, including the classroom where Myleigh would be. We went through the day from how Mommy and Holly will first take Myleigh to school, we will wave goodbye and come back home. Holly will play and watch her shows, and then have lunch and get ready for school. Then how we will go to the kindergarten parking lot, mommy will park the car, mommy and Holly will go in the entrance and then to Mrs Peterson's classroom. Mommy and Holly will say goodbye, give hug and kiss, and then mommy will drive home and Holly will stay with Mrs Peterson and the other kids in her class. We talked about some of the kinds of things she will do in class, and then how the bell will ring when it's time to go home, Mrs Peterson will take all the children outside to wait. Then Myleigh will come and pick her up and together they will ride their scooters home.

So, that's pretty much how it unfolded for her. the only difference was that I brought her to class about ten minutes early, and she had some one on one time with Mrs Peterson, so she could walk her through the things Holly is to do when she comes into class, and just to acclimate her to the room a bit more before it was full of noisy kids demanding Mrs Petersons attention. I said good bye, she hugged me very tightly, said I love you mom, and we gave each other kisses on the cheek. When I left, I snapped a picture of the two of them looking at the first little story book the children will be learning from, and off I went.

That afternoon I waited very anxiously on the front step watching for the girls to appear, hoping that the day had gone well. It seemed forever watching all the children filing past our house, and then I spied them. Holly was on her scooter, way out in front of Myleigh, and scooting as fast as she could. When she got close enough to see me, she shouted out "Mommy!!" I went out into the yard, and she ran up to me, threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. I asked if she had fun at school and she said yes. After a few minutes of excited chatting about the things she did, I knew we had conquered another milestone.

Now, several weeks later, she still likes school, and has learned how to write and recognize three letters, including the letter H, which she proudly will tell you is the first letter in her name.

Pictures to follow.

Smores

Holly has discovered that roasting marshmallows is great, but, putting them on crackers with chocolate, Sheer Genius!!

Getting ready for the big day

the first day of school is just around the corner, and Holly is so excited. Im not sure how much of the whole school experience she really grasps, but, the fact that she gets to pick out her school supplies is very much a concept she understands.

She has made it clear that a Spongbob back pack is required, as are Spongebob shoes.

Her language aquisition is nothing short of amazing. Nothing gets past this kid, especially when it comes to going anywhere with Mommy. She loves to go shopping, and has, for the most part, opted out of riding in the seat of the shopping cart. She also knows that a treat is possible at the end of the trip, as long as she behaves herself and asks nicely.

The meltdowns are gone, and she has become a very affectionate child. She likes to give hugs and tell us she loves us, which just melts my heart. She does have one funny quirk, well, not funny if you're on the receiving end. She seems to have a limit to the number of people that can, on any given day, be part of her circle of trust. It's usually one of the older girls, she will act like she doesn't like them anymore. It can really hurt their feelings, and I tolerated it for a while thinking she was just having to get used to so many people in her formerly very small circle. Then she decided that Katie's friend Chad was in and Katie was out. Well, that was that. I stood her in front of Katie, and explained that she should not say mean things to her, she is her sister, and she loves her. I told her that when she says mean things it hurts Katie's feelings, and she needs to say she's sorry. It took just a few minutes to get the idea across, but, she soon apologized to Katie and we haven't had it happen since, but, only time will tell.

Holly has a tendency to be a tom boy and avoids all things girly, much to my chagrine. We took Myleigh to pick out her Baptism dress, and Holly was with us. While Myleigh played dress up, trying on dress after dress, Holly was bored and not too happy to be surrounded by lace and ruffles. I tried to convince her to choose a dress for herself, and she just snarled at me. I would pick up a dress and say, what about this, and she would just snarl or say "Can't want it" Which means in Holly speak "I don't want it".

Myleigh chose her dress, finally, and we were getting ready to pay for it, when Holly figured out that she wasn't getting anything. In her panic, she agreed to find a dress, and she made a beeline for a school girl uniform style red plaid dress. It was definitely her.

Next spring I plan to sign both girls up for soft ball. Holly will be an absolutely perfect fit for it, and Myleigh has wanted to play softball for a couple of years now. When I mentioned it to Holly she seemed to understand what I was talking about, so, Im wondering if she was exposed to it in China. I guess we'll see. I taught my older kids how to play, so, Ill be working on that with Holly and Myleigh.

Myleigh's birthday

Just goofing around in front of our decorated door waiting for Myleigh's birthday guests to arrive.

Scottish Festival 2010

These are pictures we took at the Scottish Festival. We took both girls to the vendors booths to find something fun. Myleigh immediately picked out a parasol, and we showed them to Holly to see if she wanted one. She grimaced and shook her head no. Knowing that this girl is like me, not a girly girl at all, I asked her if she wanted a sword, and she lit up and said Yes very quickly and clearly. She picked out the biggest one she could find. As you can see in the picture, she is very proud of her sword.

some new pictures

Holly really likes Birthday cake, and has been telling us about the birthday she had in China and how her friends shared her cake. She is just starting to understand that we sent her that cake and the panda.

It's July!!

Wow, time has flown by. Life has returned to what we now know as normal. Holly is talking a blue streak, all day long, and has officially entered the WHY stage. Every question is followed up with WHY. It can be exhausting, but, to me, the fact that this gives me a chance to explain things in even more detail to her is a bonus. It means she is still listening. There is a point where I just can't answer any more, and have to distract her onto something else, but, its a really good sign .

The only time she speaks Chinese is the occasional word or two here and there. It's sad to know she has lost much of her native language, and we did all we could to slow that process down, but, we knew her brain would have to make the switch at some point just for survival while she absorbs a completely new language.

Sundays have been a struggle. Holly did not like going to Primary, as it meant seperating from one of her grown ups, and being in a class with children she really doesnt know, except for her best buddy Savannah. She would do whatever it took to get out of it. Usually resorting to crying and asking to go home. I advised everyone to keep going with her, sitting with her, and just being a silent support system, but, to not give in to her insisting on leaving. For the most part she would resist just for a few minutes, and then natural curiosity of what was going on took over and she would be fine until something changed, like when it was time to go from group sharing time to her individual class. Then she would start in again until they were settled in the classroom. This went on, up and down, for months, and then, a couple of weeks ago she decided she was going to push Mindy's buttons, knowing both Mommy and Daddy were at work. She had a full on melt down, and it was just too disruptive to the rest of the class to keep her in the room. Mindy brought her outside and called me at work. I told her to just sit outside with her, do not take her home, and just wait til it was time for the rest of the kids to get out of class. As expected, as soon as class time was over, Holly reverted back to being happy as a clam.

So, when I got home I had Myleigh collect some crayons and paper and I sat them both down and had them watch as I drew a diagram of the church. I drew all of the rooms, and labeled them. We talked a bit about those rooms to make sure Holly understood that this was our church. Then I used different crayons to indicate each of us, and one for our car. I showed us driving our car to church, and parking in our usual spot. I made sure Holly was following along. I could tell she was not liking the part where we go to church, but, that was the focus of this exercise. To deal with what it was about going to church she didnt like. I had surmised that due to her stress level rising predictably whenever she didnt know for certain what was going on, it was the unknown that was making her afraid. Her abandonement issues were welling up inside her, and activating her fight or flight response. Since she couldnt fight it, she was trying to escape going all together.

As I showed us walking together into church, and going into the chapel, as we always do first, she was only ok with it, but, was watching with interest. I talked about all the things that happen in the chapel, and she went along. Then I said it was time to go to Primary. She glanced up at me with reservation but didn't really protest yet. I said, Holly and Myleigh hold hands and walk nicely to sharing time. I showed them and traced their path, and then traced Myleigh going to her seat in sharing time, and Holly going to hers, and talked about how Savannah was there, and her teacher, and all the other kids in Holly's class. Then we talked about all the things that happen in sharing time. I showed her how Mommy, and Daddy go to their class. She was very interested in that, and I did it twice to really make it sink in, and so she could see on the diagram exactly where we are in relation to where she is.

And then, it was time to go to class. This was when I could see her stiffen up and start to get nervous. I told her how Myleigh goes to her class with her teacher, and traced Myleigh's path. Then I said Holly goes to her class with her teacher and with Savannah and then traced their path. I showed her how the chairs are arranged in the classroom, and asked if that was right. She agreed, and I asked where she would sit. She pointed and I drew her there. Suddenly she was liking this game and really started to play along. We talked about what happens in her class, and then I showed her that Mommy and Daddy go to a different class now, and traced us on our paths. She followed intently.

Then it was time to go home. I showed how Holly waits in her class with her teacher until Mommy or Daddy or Mindy or Myleigh come to get her. Then I showed Myleigh coming from her class all the way around the hallway and how we all meet together, get our jackets, and go to our car, and drive home. The story was complete and she could see every step and knew where everyone was, that we didnt leave her alone in the building, and that we all get together again and go home together. She sighed very deeply and smiled. Then, we told the story all over again, but, this time, she told much of it. I would ask her now and then, Where is Mommy, or Where is Daddy's class. She could point them out quickly. I would ask her where Holly's class is, and again, she pointed it out quickly.

I figured, since I was more worried about how she would respond to going to kindergarten next month than how we would deal with church, that it was time to add another drawing, so I drew the school. Then I went through much the same process to show her what school days are like. She really liked this, and because of the church game, she understood how to play so she jumped right in. Then, after telling the school game a couple of times, I told her that on school days we don't go to church, and on church days we don't go to school.

So, over the coming week, I kept the drawings on my dresser and she would come into my room and we would talk about the games. On the very next Sunday, Tim had the drawing with him, and she didn't even need it. She went happily to primary with Myleigh, and then to her class, and ended the day happily,. When I came home from work she was anxious to tell me she went to primary and didn't cry at all. She high fived me, and we hugged. I could see she was so proud that she had mastered such a huge hurdle.

I feel a lot less nervous about how we will get through the first few days of kindergarten now.

A few random pictures of Holly's new life. The first picture is Holly sharing a nap with big sister Katie. The second is Holly showing off the marshmallow mess all over her hands and face following the last picture of Myleigh and Holly roasting marshmallows.

Finally everyone is Woh Dee

Today Mindy got what she's been longing for, and has seen everyone else in the family achieve before her. Holly finally said, Mindy woh dee, which means, Mindy is mine.

Day after day Mindy has worked at developing a bond with Holly, and while Holly loved her, and was affectionate with her, she never said the magic words that everyone else had gotten weeks ago. Im just so glad I was sitting here when it happened. Mindy was so happy, and Holly clearly understood that she had given Mindy something special.

Life is plugging along and after all my worries that our life might never be the same again, I have found that not only was I right, but, that the change is wonderful and right in so many ways. Holly is a perfect fit in our family. She seems to be happy, and I gauge that by her sleep patterns, her appetite, the way she has relaxed and found her own space. She has had no meltdowns in weeks, and the longing looks are few and far between. She is comfortable enough to be able to communicate what is hers, and where the boundaries are as to what she will share and what she will not. She's not at all concerned to not talk about Nia Mah and Sun Mah, who she obviously was very close to. I haven't been able to actually have a conversation with her about her life in China, but, from what she has been able to communicate, I think the orphanage director and Nia mah were married, and Holly was their foster child during that time that she was in a foster home. Holly was trying to tell me something about her necklace that she always wears, and Nia Mah's name came up so I asked, did Nia Mah give this to Jun Jun, and she adamantly said yes with a look of relief as if she was wishing all along to be able to tell me that Nia Mah was very special to her.

The affection evident between the orphanage director and Holly on gotcha day, and the pictures of Holly and Nia Mah even when she was a tiny baby, during the time she would have been in foster care, leads me to believe they were her foster parents, but, until she and I can really chat about it, I won't know for sure.

Mommy Wohdee

That's what I hear all day long. Mommy Wohdee. It means, Mommy is mine. Holly likes to claim me, which just warms my heart, especially when you consider the way she treated me just a few short months ago. I was persona non grata as far as she was concerned, and I have to admit to being afraid that we would never find our way to a real mommy/child relationship.

So much has changed since we came home from China. Holly is speaking nearly all English, just a few Chinese words and phrases here and there. Her favorite thing to say these days is that one or another of the kids is "skinky". She heard me tell Matthew that his room is stinky, and from that moment on she just loves to say it.

Every night, at bedtime, Holly has settled into a routine. We send the girls up to get pj's on, and then they come down for family prayer. We barely get Amen out, and she is up off her knees and leaping into one of our arms for hugs goodnight, and I do mean leaping. You have to be ready for it, or she may clock you with her head. Then she runs for the stairs announcing that "Holly go potty" in a frantic tone. She used to say Holly oleo, but, now she just says potty. Then, its story time, usually by Mindy or Katie, and then hugs goodnight. She loves to just wrap her whole self around you. She always whispers, I love you Mommy, and then gives me a kiss on my cheek. We used to turn on a big fan for both the girls, but, Holly still gets cold quite easily, so, I decided to go with personal size fans. I picked up two clip on little ones, because I knew if I got one for Myleigh, who is a little chili pepper and always too warm at night to go without one, I knew Holly would feel left out if I didnt get one for her as well. To my surprise, she not only was happy I got her one, but, she actually has it on at night. Perhaps its just the right amount of air movement.

She has decided that her name is officially Holly, using Jun Jun only every now and then. She seems to refer to Jun Jun more in the third person, and usually when she talks about China. Its like she sees herself as a new person with a new life, and Jun Jun is in her old life. She loves to remind us that Holly and Myleigh are Chinese, and Katie, being the tease that she is, just loves to get a rise out of her by saying that Katie is chinese too. Works every time.

I am always surprised at what Holly will do and what she won't. Yesterday I took her to Myleighs 2nd grade class Mother's day program. After the program we wandered around the classroom, and I discovered that they had four little just hatched chicks in a box on the floor. I tried to show them to Holly, but, she wouldnt go near them. She was so afraid, I didn't dare push it, but, I really thought she would think they were cute. Nope.

Then, today, we went to Mindy's ballroom concert, and as part of the show several of the boys, including Mindy's partner David, dressed up in costumes. There was spiderman, batman, zorro, darth vader , and David as the Mask. At the end of the show the kids in the audience were invited to come up to have their picture taken with the characters, and Mindy took the girls up. To my surprise, she wasn't afraid of them at all. In fact, David, even though he was in full costume and didn't look much like David, came straight over to Holly and Myleigh, picked them both up and turned them both sideways to pose for the camera. Holly smiled and laughed. So, I figured she just knew it was David and since she adores him she was ok with him being in a costume. Then, she went up and had pictures taken with some of the others. She wasn't a bit afraid. So, if you're a masked superhero or villian she will pose with you for pictures. If you're a soft, fluffy tiny baby chick, ...back off.

I love you mommy!

She finally said it.

I was bent over hugging her, and she was hugging me. I had just gotten home from work, so she missed me. It wasn't loud, more of a whisper, right into my ear. "I love you mommy"

That was not just the first time she ever said it to me, but, the first time she ever said I love you to any of us. We knew she did, just by the way she is around us. It's just that actually saying it, without any prompting, or without anyone else saying it to her first, just means so much more and speaks volumes about how far she has come in just two months.

How can anyone know how a five year old will react to being taken from the only home and the only family she has ever known, and thrust into the arms and lives of complete strangers? I've said it before and I stand by it, adoption, especially international adoption, is legalized kidnapping. Up until the child reaches an age where they really can make the decision with an understanding of what that means, it really is a traumatic event no matter how well prepared they are. If I were to put an age on when they really "get it", I would have to say eight years old, because that is an age where explainations can be given, and discussion can be had where never and forever start to really mean something. When they know they may never come back and may never see their friends and nannies again they can more clearly know how dramatic their life is going to change and that making this decision will separate them completely. When they know that they will be with this new family forever, they can start to relax and work through the changes, knowing that this was their choice and that they get to keep these new members of their family. If the decision is not left up to them, at least they can prepare themselves to some degree for the upheaval, and can communicate with the guides and some of the other Chinese speaking people they will be in contact with during the adoption trip. Not that being old enough to understand what is happening makes it easy, by far not, there is nothing easy about walking away from your home, your safety zone into an unknown world. It is, however, easier to express how you are feeling, and to know when you are being understood.
It's easier for the nannies to prepare you. Whether they do or not is anyone's guess, and that doesn't take into account any handicaps that affect a child's ability to understand.

For Holly, the trauma and the inability to grasp the concept of adoption due to being five years old made it impossible for her to trust any of our guides enough to talk with them. She would listen to what they said, but, would not respond. Her nannies did a great job at trying to prepare her, and teaching her what was going to happen when we came for her, but, five year olds can only grasp concepts they are familiar with, and forever and never are not concepts they usually have to deal with. How much of the Chinese spoken by our guides that she really understood is still a mystery, as her dialect was so different. She must understand some of it though, as she still enjoys Chinese speaking DVD's, and the words and phrases she has taught us we can pick out of these DVD's, so she does at least understand some common Chinese.

We have learned so much about her personality, and what her emotional boundaries are. We can now see on her face and in her body language what she's feeling on a basic level. Still, it's hard for her and for us that we can't just ask her a question and answer the questions she has. Conversation is still slow going, broken and combined with a certain amount of Chinese. We usually get the gist of it, but, there are so many times that she gets a look on her face and you just know she is feeling something she doesnt know how to express, or she is remembering something she can't tell us about.

I would love to be able to tell her that we can still communicate with Nia Mah, and send her pictures and drawings, and even presents. She wouldn't understand. We will be sending a small box, with a picture of Nia Mah and instructions in Chinese, and I will be doing what I can to have her draw a picture for Nia Mah and tell her we are sending it to her all the way in China. Will she know what I mean, that's anyones guess. Judging by the way she talks about her, Nia Mah must have been very special to Holly, so it's important to me that some communication continue. At some point it will be Holly writing to her and me having it translated into Chinese, and vice versa so they can talk to each other as Holly grows up.

Still, for now, she has no idea if she will ever be able to see Nia Mah again, and I know it must hurt. Getting that I love you was clearly not the first time Holly hugged someone and told them that. It was so softly spoken that I'm sure it was a monumental moment for a little girl so far from the first mommy she said I love you to.

Homesick

Our Holly Jun is dealing with some homesickness.

This week followed a long spring break where Myleigh was home for Holly to play with all day every day for a week. With school back in session, Holly has had time all day to think about what her days used to be like, filled with preschool with her friends being taught by her nannies. As she is not ready emotionally to go to a preschool here, and doesnt have the language skills to be able to socialize much with other children away from home, she is probably feeling the loss.

We try to keep her busy, and engaged, but, there is only just so much we can do.

So, I pulled out her memory book that the orphanage gave us. It's filled with pages that she colored over the years, and progress reports written in Chinese, and pictures of Holly with her nannies and her friends. There are pictures of her from the day she was found until just this fall. This was a great idea as Holly became so animated, and started telling me all about some of the newer pictures, as she would have remembered the day they were taken. Some of the older ones just made her say Eww. They were of her as a baby, and she doesn't believe me when I say it's her. She just says ew.

There is a very nice picture of Holly with her nanny Nia Mah, bending down looking at flowers. She really likes that picture, and I think from her reaction to any picture with Nia Mah in them that she must have been very attached to her.

Early in the week we had gotten a package from Half The Sky, the organization that ran the preschool program at Holly's orphanage, and in it was that same picture. I put it up on our refridgerator, and she just loves looking at it. On Monday I was cleaning out the fridge and she was going on and on, telling me some very animated tales that included Nia Mah, Sun Mah, and Jun Jun (Holly). I have no idea what the story was about, but, she was so into it, I just pretended to understand and to be so excited right along with her. Then it was time to spring clean her room, which meant putting winter clothes in the underbed dresser and taking out the summer clothes.

When I pulled the matching snow pants and jacket I had gotten her, see earlier story, out of the closet, she became very excited, and insisted on putting the jacket on. I didn't think too much of it at the time, and even when she refused to take it off to put it with the snow pants I didn't really pay attention. I'm used to kids wearing odd things in all kinds of weather just because they feel like it at the time, ie swimsuits in winter etc.

The next day, just as soon as she was dressed, she put that jacket back on, wore it all day until it was time for pajamas. I decided that it was a comforting reminder of how she was dressed in the orphanage. By the third day the weather was far too warm for that jacket, and I tried to talk her into taking it off, but, no go. She stayed tight in it, zipped all the way up.

Then I noticed it. In the picture of Holly and Nia Mah looking at the flowers, Holly is wearing a jacket nearly identical to the one she was now so attached to. It made perfect sense. It was like having Nia Mah there with her in some small way. I walked her over to the picture and pointed out the jacket in the picture and she, in her half hand gestures half chinese words way, confirmed that she thought the jacket was the same. I let her know that she could wear it as much as she wanted to, and by yesterday the jacket was off, hanging on a hook in her room.

Progress....

Holly has made a lot of progress in so many areas.

She has learned so many words and phrases, that communication has become so much easier. There are still times when she isn't able to tell us what she wants to, but, for the most part, even when she can't we figure it out.

She is quickly becoming an American girl. She likes Sponge Bob (she calls him bunga bop), and Cheezits, and mac n cheese, spaghetti, pizza, chicken nuggets and french fries. There is still a healthy dose of Chinese in her, thank goodness. She still loves noodles in any form, but especially in soups. Pot stickers, rice, spring rolls.

It seems this girl has a latin side to her. She just loves latin music. Yesterday, we were at Matt and Mindy's dance coach's studio, and latin music was played now and then during lessons. We happened to notice that everytime the latin music was on, Holly would dance and shake her head to the music. So cute. She really likes it.

Easter's coming

Sunday is Easter, and Holly is so far not terribly confused by the baskets with fake grass, and the bunnies all over the house. I think she flows with whatever happens around here pretty well. I would be very interested in what she thinks of the actual events of the weekend, right down to taking perfectly good boiled eggs, dipping them in dye and making them different colors, and then just leaving them until the next morning, when she wakes up, and they are all gone. No wait. They're not gone. They're outside,... in the grass... under buckets... in bushes... all over the place. Then, what happens next is even stranger. We run around the yard finding the eggs, putting them in our baskets, but we aren't concerned about the fact that they were outside getting dirty. We are thrilled to find each and every one, not at all angry or upset. Happily we take them back into the house where we... wait for it.. ..we eat them.

We crazy Americans. What will we think of next. Uhm, when should I tell her about Halloween?

Life around here has taken a new normal path. Now that both Tim and I are back at work, Holly has had to get used to our comings and goings, and she has done pretty well, since the girls brought her to see me in dispatch. Once I had gotten home, she was fine again. It was as if she had processed that I don't just disappear, and I really am at an identifiable place. I always come home from that place. It's called Work, and Daddy goes to a place called Work, too. He always comes home, too. Now that she understands, she's fine with it.

Her language acquisition is really picking up. She says most things in English now, or at least combines English and Chinese in the same sentence, using Chinese when she doesn't know how to say it in English. She still grieves now and then, not for very long, but, it still happens. I'm guessing that when she comes out of her grieving, as long as we are very normal with her, and not pitying or overly concerned, she is better able to get back to feeling content. It just wouldn't do her any good, since we don't really have the ability to get inside her head and know exactly what she is mourning or who. We just let her know that she is safe with us, and we love her and we know she is sad and that's ok. She has the right to feel sad.

I'm back on the naughty list .

Holly has not been very happy about my going back to work. It's bad enough that I can't really explain to her about where I'm going or for how long, but, it's worse that I have to leave home at 6am and she doesn't wake up until after 7, so she doesn't even know I have left. I'm just not there when she wakes up and I don't get home until after 7pm. I've had to do this for three days now, and have one more full day to go. From the very first day she has been standoffish, and not very interested when I come home. It takes me just picking her up and hugging her to get any contact with her at all. Each day she is more detached, and today, after asking for someone to bring her to work to see me everyday, finally, the girls brought her. She wanted nothing to do with me, wouldn't even come near me, and held on to Katie with a death grip.

So, Im back in the dog house, Mindy and I will just have to keep each other company.

I'm sure she will eventually get used to me being gone for work. In a few weeks my schedule changes, and I'll leave for work in the evening and be home but sleeping for most of the day. It will be weekends, so, I'll have the weekdays home with her. I don't know if that will patch things up,but, I have to work, so, I have no choice but to be patient while she sorts it all out, and her language improves to the point where I can explain it to her and she'll get it.

Back to work..... sigh

Today is my first full day back to work, yesterday I worked my four hour short shift, and now I'm just about done with my first of four 12 hour shifts this weekend. Holly has had several melt downs today, but, Katie and Mindy navigated them, using my tactics of just being there and letting her work through it without getting angry or upset with her. We just let her vent for a while, and then, when she is ready, love her right back to being happy again.

Myleigh is having some issues with having Holly always up in her business. She's needing some space and probably some Mom and Me time. It's gonna be a few days before I can do anything about that, but, maybe Daddy will do. Tonight is the Timpview High School Ballroom Company's Luau, so, we'll all go have a night of fun and then back to the grind tomorrow.

Last night Mindy had her first pageant contestant meeting for Miss Salem 2010. Being the second attendant from 2009 makes the process less stressful, and we feel so much more prepared than last time. We have all the clothes, and makeup, and jewelry, and shoes, and the talent portion is coming together nicely. Music's cut, costume is ready, and choreography is almost complete. She competes on May 29th, so, we have time to polish everything up. Oh I hope she gets the crown this time, because we could really use the scholarship money.

Spring is coming next week, as the hottest day of the year is set for Monday, and I am so excited to get outside and start planting seeds and bulbs, and just get some sun and exercise. Maybe I'll start taking walks with Holly to bring Myleigh home, so she gets used to the routine for the fall. Can't wait to throw open all the windows, and maybe even get them washed.

Two more days and it's back to work for me

I just have today and tomorrow, and then I start back at work for a 5 day stint. The first day is just a four hour morning shift, but, then I have four 12 hour days in a row through the weekend. I'm not looking forward to it, but, since we were hit with such a huge tax bill this year, we need the money and I'll be doing this alot.

We can't claim the adoption tax credit this year since the adoption wasn't final until after the first of the year, so, we have to soak up the bills until next tax season. It'll be tough, and sacrafices will have to be made, but, we'll handle it.

Tim has been back to work since a week after we got back from China. During that time Holly has adjusted to her new life pretty well, and has taken to speaking more English than Chinese. If I were to really count, I think she knows over 100 words in English, and is now substituting those words for the Chinese even in sentences that are nearly all Chinese. Yesterday we were looking at the photo album the orphanage gave us, and there is a picture of the head nannie, who she calls Woh Jee Mama, putting Holly's shoes on her. She spouted something off in Chinese, and when she got to the word for shoes, she said "shoes" instead of Hiyah. Steady progress.

Today we registered Holly for kindergarten, and found out she needs another shot, one that is required by Utah but not by the US dept of health, and if I can't find her TB certificate, she will need that redone as well. I believe the test results are included in the consulate paperwork, and we didn't get any of that back, and won't, so, she may just have to have it done again. We have all summer to do it, so, I'm not rushing it until she speaks enough English where I can explain it to her.

She is making peace with her sister Mindy. It took having Mindy be the only one of us that reads bedtime stories to the girls. This made her special, and gave her a chance to show off what makes Mindy fun. Her acting skills and ability to create voices and make stories come alive.

Her likes have grown since we got home
Spongebob
Ni Hao Kai Lan
The Wiggles
Teletubbies
and interestingly enough, Dancing With The Stars

She still loves bananas, and any kind of noodles, but has added Cheezits, Crystal Light, ginger snaps, meat of all kinds, fish of all kinds, french fries, chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, and grapes. She is learning to like oranges, apples, other kinds of potatoes, salad dressings other than catalina, and more than just the toppings on pizza.

Holly has also made peace with the dogs, and has no fear or concern about them at all anymore. She especially likes to make them come in and go out on command.

Myleigh spends a lot of time playing teacher to Holly, teaching her numbers and letters, and how to write her name. As her language skills improve, we can work more on those things, but, Myleigh is doing an amazing job just playing school.

She has a fixation on dressing just like Myleigh, and will look for matching shirts when they get dressed in the morning. Still, she knows what side of the closet is hers, and which dresses are hers, and enjoys pointing out what is "Jun Jun's". There have been a few tears over what Holly wants to be hers that is truly Myleigh's, especially when Myleigh has had a long day already and just doesn't want to deal with the argument. Mom usually has to intercede and take on Holly's strong willed nature and put her in her place. I'm so glad she was taught discipline, as she responds very positively when I tell her no, or explain to her that she needs to stop something. Once in a while she gets upset, but, normally she is fine with it.

The first party!

I work with the best people on the planet, I just want to say that first thing, because I appreciate each and every one of them. Last night a group of friends from work held a shower for Holly, and it was her first experience going to a social event. She was fine til we got through the door, and she was met with a bunch of smiling faces and balloons, and lots of happy chatter directed pretty much in her direction. Most kids would beam and glow at being the center of such attention, but, as she doesn't really like new situations she did about what I expected her to do. She frowned, clung to Daddy, and bordered on crying for about the first hour we were there. I had said to Tim that he should carry her in, but, she was in such a hurry to keep up with Myleigh, who shot ahead of us to get to be the one to ring the doorbell, that he didn't get to her until we were all inside and she came face to face with all the new people.

I just said for everyone to ignore her, which is our strategy when she is feeling overwhelmed by a new experience. We just turn our attention away from her, interact in the new situation with a very matter-of-fact attitude, and just let her settle in and decide for herself that it's ok, no big deal, and she can relax and feel safe. She sat on Tim's lap most of the time, and once I saw she was just keeping some of the pouting going because she wanted to broadcast to everyone not to take her from Daddy, and keep them at arms length, I decided it was time to draw her out.

It was time to open presents, so, I offered her the first one, knowing full well she would just say no, or should I say "back" which is her new word to say when she is rejecting something. I'm not sure yet if she means to get it away or if she thinks she's saying "bad" but I'm leaning toward "bad". I used my most successful tactic to get her to loosen up, I teased her. I would pretend that I was going to open it, but, not let her see it. I showed everyone but her, and we all made a big deal about what was inside, so, by the time I showed it to her, she was very interested in it. We did that with most of the presents, trying a couple of times to get her to open one, but, she was happy to let me do it for her. As she relaxed more and more, she started to smile, and laugh, and actually interacted with people. She eventually got down and stood away from Tim, but, not for very long.

All in all it was a good experience for her, and I think in spite of herself she had a good time.

She wasn't the least bit interested in playing with any of her new toys at the party, as I expected, but, once we got home, she was into all of them, again, as I expected. I had to tell her to put them down, since it was past her bedtime, but, first thing this morning she tore into each and every one, and is now wearing some of the clothes, and is playing with the toys. With each one, she shows them to me and says "wohdee" which means mine in Chinese.

Each time she has a new experience, it confirms for her that she has a good life here, and helps her trust the experiences yet to come.

She's calling us new names, or she's using our names to mean something new. She has started calling Tim and I "mamalee" and "babalee" She'll do that when she's looking for us. It could mean where is Mama and Baba, but, I'm not sure about that. It sounds so cute. I'll be in another part of the house, and hear her calling "mamalee, mamalee!" .

We've been working with her to not only preserve her Chinese language as much as possible, but, to learn to speak English. She watches her Chinese children's DVD's pretty much everyday. We will use some of the Chinese we know, which is limited, and not correct her if she uses a Chinese word for something. On the other hand, if she is just using hand signals and pointing instead of saying an English word, I insist that she try. Sometimes she'll be stubborn, but, most of the time she gives it a try, and is proud of herself when she gets the big response from us, and especially when she says something in English without being prompted and she knows she has mastered that word. Yesterday she said her first full sentence in English with no prompting at all.

Most of the day she and I spend together and she chatters away in Chinese, with me doing my best to understand what she's trying to say, and her doing the same. Somehow we figure it all out, and have conversations. Well, it was time to play outside, and she knew she needed shoes and a jacket on. She looked around for a bit, and then came to me and said "Where are my shoes?" It was as exciting for me as if she were an infant taking her first steps.

Time flies when you're having fun

It's been a while since my last post. We've been pretty busy around here, and I am hoping things settle down a bit before I have to go back to work. We've figured out the day care situation, so that Holly doesn't have to go to a day care or babysitter. Our schedules will rotate around each other to some degree, and when they don't, Mindy will be home, so, we're all set.

Holly will have a difficult time getting used to Mama being gone so much, but, at least she won't have the stress of having to be with strangers not in her own home where things are familiar. The language barrier still exists, but, for us, it's not as much of a challenge, as we know her so well that there have only been a few times lately that we couldn't decipher what she was trying to tell us or what she was feeling. One of those times was yesterday morning.

Tim went into the girls room to get Myleigh up for school, and both girls were still sound asleep. When he was moving around the room, Holly woke up, and immediately started to cry, as if she had been having a nightmare. He picked her up and tried to figure out what was wrong, but, she just sobbed and sobbed. He made breakfast for both of them, but, she wouldn't eat. She just cried. I took her and Myleigh up to brush their teeth, and she really didn't want to cooperate, but, relented. I tried to figure out if she wasn't feeling well, or if she hurt somewhere, but, that wasn't easy, since she just wanted to cry. No fever, no wincing if I picked her up or touched her arms legs, or tummy, no sign of obvious illness. So, there was just one thing left to try.

I put in the Chinese DVD we had gotten at the Trustmart in Guangzhou of a children's performance group singing and dancing to celebrate Chinese New Year, into my laptop, and sat her on my chair at the table. She immediately quieted and just sat for about an hour watching without moving. I gave her some cherrios, no milk, in a bowl, and she munched on them while she watched quietly. After a bit, she started to interact with us, and smile. She was slowly back to her old cheery self, and asked to watch some of the other DVD's in Chinese, and then lost interest and started to shadow me again. She even helped me to let the dogs out of their crates, which is huge for her since it involves going down into the basement which is a fear of hers since it's where the dogs are kept and even though our basement is finished and like the rest of the house, it's still a basement, underground, so, not something she likes to do.

The rest of the day she was happy as a clam. All I can figure out is that she was grieving and wanting her foster grandparents, and was frustrated that she couldn't tell us, because she couldn't talk to us, so, the Chinese being sung and spoken was soothing and gave her a chance to at least hear words she knows and listen to songs she is familiar with. It's like calling home.