The new school year 2013

Holly and Myleigh started school this week.  Holly was thrilled, she just loves school, and grimaced all summer long waiting to go back.  Myleigh is not thrilled, school goes to slowly for her, and she gets bored easily, so, hopefully sixth grade will be a bit more up pace.

 

They still get confused for being twins, and that makes Myleigh frustrated because she already deals with being small compared to other kids her age.  Holly is almost Myleigh's height.  

Next week the girls have a week of school, and then we leave for a vacation in Mexico.  We have never taken the girls on a vacation, just so many other things always seemed to get in the way, but, this is going to be the trip to beat all trips, so, hopefully it will compensate for not having gone before.  

Getting the girls passports was no small effort.  Seems our government is not able to communicate within their own departmental red tape.  We struggled to get Myleigh's citizenship and had to jump through so many hoops, not the least of which was to go through the time and expense of re-adopting her in Utah.  By the time we were done we felt fairly confident we had everything we needed to apply for their passports, but, no.  The Department of Homeland security was not a sufficient reference for the State Department.  They did not accept the citizenship documents, and apparently the Utah Health Department was not much of a reliable reference either, as the birth certificates they issued were also not acceptable.  In the end we had to send every paper we had from both China and the US before the State Dept would issue passports.  

Finally, just shy of two weeks before our trip, we received the passports in the mail.  So, onto Mexico!  Pictures to follow.

End of summer 2013

Holly has grown so tall, and just never seems to stop growing.  At eight years old she is now as tall as her eleven year old sister, Myleigh, with both of them being Chinese it makes a fair comparison.  although, Myleigh does not like to be compared to anyone, especially not her younger sister.

Language is still progressing, and Holly is completely fluent in English, with not a speck of Chinese left.  That makes me so sad, but, she flat refuses to practice any other language.  It's to be expected, as most kids adopted internationally will end up losing their native language in order to be able to immerse themselves in their new culture.  She does want to learn Chinese in the future, just not now, and I'm okay with that.  After all, she has to be able to get through public school in the U.S., and without strong English speaking, reading, and writing skills, that will be a challenge.

Update July 2012

Well, it's been a year since I updated this blog.  Holly Jun has grown so much, and changed quite a bit in the past year.

She is now preparing to start second grade and will be getting just a bit of help with reading and writing but otherwise is on track.  Holly absolutely loves school, and is thriving.  Her health has remained excellent and her bond with us all is very strong.  She's become quite the comic, too.

Holly's favorite subject in school is Math, and her favorite thing to do at home is follow her sister Myleigh around and do whatever she is doing.  Her life is for the most part a pretty normal life unless you count the fact that she is Chinese living with a bunch of caucasions.  Still, we do fill some of the asian gap by going to Asian festivals and events, and our daughters have several asian friends including one from Hong Kong who spend a fair amount of time at our house.

Just this month I figured out how to transfer our video tapes to dvd and onto my laptop, so I was going through the video of Holly's gotcha day, and she was very interested in it.  Her memories of that day are very small, but, she does remember that she was afraid of me because of my glasses.  I hadn't worn them in the pictures we sent her, so, that must have changed my appearance enough to throw her off.  Weird though, because Tim wore glasses in all the pictures, but, had lasik before our trip and wasn't wearing them when she met him.

She's very keen on having things be even between her and Myleigh.  I put up some of the things I had saved from our China trips in their room.  I hadn;'t wanted them up before because they were both small and liable to damage them, things like paper scrolls and fans.  I put Myleighs up first, and she wanted to not only make sure she had one too, but, wondered why it was different.  Myleigh's was made for her during her adoption trip.  A member of the Chinese National Calligraphy Society was hired by our guide to write each of the girl's Chinese names and adoption information on a scroll that is about 4 feet long.  When we went to adopt Holly, we found scrolls of the same size for sale in the Chen Family Temple in Guangzhou, so, we let her pick whichever one she wanted, and of course, she chose one with pandas on it.  We thought it was very appropriate for her, and even though it is not identical to Myleigh's, when we tell her how and when it was chosen, she likes it just as much.

School Days are here again

School starts up again in 11 days, and Holly is very excited. She has met her teacher Mrs Grover, and was fitted for a new school shirt. Clothes shopping for Holly and Myleigh was very interesting, as Myleigh picked many fashionable and stylish girly outfits, and Holly chose lots of t-shirts with characters and sayings. She actually picked, to my total surprise, some shirts with sparkles on them. Her love of Pandas prevailed and she chose a panda t-shirt she is in love with. Orange being her favorite color now, she wanted shirts that were orange, but, I insisted she break it up a bit. She also chose a pink, of all colors, Hello Kitty backpack. I thought for sure it would end up being something with race cars, or some such thing on it, but, no she went bonkers as soon as she saw it. In the end, she was happy with her purchases and so was mama.

Shoe shopping was just this week, and Holly chose a rockin pair of pink, yes she is into pink now, light up tennis shoes. To go with her girly shoes and girly backpack, she chose a pack of race car socks, so, my girl hasn't changed too much, thank goodness. I was feeling like we were kindred spirits with all the race car, trucks, rescue heroes, rough and tumble stuff she was into just as I was when I at that age. You can imagine my chagrine when the girly, pinky, sparkly stuff started to be a theme on our shopping trip. I guess at some point she may make the full changeover to girly things, but, I'm kind of hoping she doesn't lose too much of that tomboyness.

Her first post placement visit was this week, too. It was over a year late, we were lost in the shuffle some how with both our homestudy agency and our placing agency, and I had put it off, procrastinated, and just plain forgot most of the time. Things have gone so well with her adjustment that I didn't think too much about reporting back, to be honest. We did send a package of pictures and updates to the SWI back in February, but, we really needed to get this post placement report done for the sake of the agencies.

Holly was her usualy self with the social worker, just jabbering away, and enjoying the attention. He asked lots of questions and she did amazingly well not only understanding but giving clear answers. He was satisfied that she is healthy, happy, and well cared for. Next report not for another year, so, hopefully we won't get lost again.

The next big thing after the new school year starting is Halloween, at least that is what is on Holly's radar, and she is already trying to decide what she's going to be. So far she is thinking about Ironman. We'll see.

School is out for the summer!

Holly has graduated kindergarten, and is moving onto 1st grade. Her school has a new program that suits her perfectly. She has been placed in a classroom with no more than 15 students, and several teachers focusing on helping these students catch up to the rest of the 1st grade students, while staying with the same cirricullum used in the standard 1st grade, and participating in all the events and activities with the rest of the school. They will be just like the other 1st grade classes except smaller and more focused. I think she's going to love it.

Now that big sister Myleigh has outgrown the small two wheel bike, it has been passed onto Holly, who was so excited to get a big girl bike with training wheels. She's still working on mastering the brakes, but, is getting better each day.

We have found a young man in our neighborhood that spent a two year mission in Hong Kong, we're having him come over and see how much Chinese Holly can still remember. Her dialect was so different, but, perhaps there is some basic language she will have retained. We'll see.

A new year.

2011 is upon us, and the New Year brought with it many challenges for our family. Most were personal, and very private and we will be navigating them through the rest of this year. Holly has grown so much, she is such a tall girl for 6 years old. She's struggling a bit in kindergarten, and we may be looking at having her repeat this grade, or perhaps moving her onto first grade and see if it would be better to just have her repeat that grade instead.

She digs her heels in when she is afraid of making a mistake, and simply does nothing. Her teacher has learned how to handle this, but, the progress with reading and writing is slow. I see little steps forward, and she gets very excited when she masters a new skill.

I've been neglecting this blog for the past few months, but, really will try to get some pictures posted soon.

Holidays

Halloween is behind us, Thanksgiving was just yesterday, and Christmas is on its way. Holly is the most excited kid on the planet this season, she really understands what each holiday brings, and is relishing each detail in ways that have made them brand new for all of us.



Halloween. The lead up was interesting, trying to give her an idea of why everyone will be dressed up, and preparing her for the scary and sometimes gruesome way people celebrate. We did the best we could without exposing her to the gruesome stuff. Choosing a costume was easy, she just wanted to be spongebob and that was it. She would see other costumes, usually super heroes, and would get all excited at the idea of dressing up like that, but, as soon as she saw her spongebob costume, it was love. On Halloween night she wasn't too sure about going up to strangers houses and knocking on the door, but, when Myleigh led the way, she was fine. After that first door, she was running from house to house. At one point she said "I so esited, I love Halloween." After a few houses, she decided she wanted to take a turn ringing the doorbell, so from then on they traded off on each house. After about two hours, she was tuckered out and wanted to go home, so, we made a round about path back to our house, as Myleigh wanted to hit some more houses before being done. Holly was content with what she had, and just walked along with us. Then, at home, the two dumped out their bags and the trading and gorging started. Holly even took a turn handing out candy to trick or treaters. She loved every minute of it.



Thanksgiving- The morning came with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. I missed it as I was sleeping after working til 7am, but, the girls tell me that she was most excited when she saw Santa at the end of the parade. She been telling us that she loves Santa and wants to hug him when we go to see him. That should be interesting. Then it was dinner time. If there's one thing Holly is very clear about, it's what she likes to eat and what she does not. The big hit for the day, egg nog, or as Holly says it, neg nog. She does not like cranberry sauce, or gravy.



Christmas, well , that's all month long, really. We set up and lit our outside decorations on Thanksgiving, as per our tradition, and she really liked that, but, her favorite part, so far, was decorating the tree this afternoon. Her only disappointment was when we ran out of things to put on the tree.



Next week is her 6th birthday, but, for us, it's her first birthday since we brought her home, so, it's a much bigger deal than just turning 6. She will also be blessed that day and her name officially written on the records of the church as Holly Jun Nicole Anderson. Her birthday present is a new razor scooter. We have been having her use Myleigh's old scooter, that has big chunky wheels and is harder to really get going because the hill on the way home from school is long and a little bit steep, so, it would have been harder for her to learn to manage controlling it if it rolled easily. Now that she has really mastered it, she should be fine handling the razor kind.

School Days

Holly started kindergarten on August 31st. It was so hard for her to wait a whole week after everyone else had started school, as the district here in our area has kindergarten start a week after all the other grades. I don't understand it, Im sure they have a reason that I won't agree with. Once it was her day to go to school, she was so excited. I was anticipating a melt down once we got to the room and the reality of mommy leaving her there with strangers set in, but, no. She took to school like a duck to water.

I had prepared her with the same kind of "the whole story" that I had done for church. I drew a map of her school, with all the rooms, including the classroom where Myleigh would be. We went through the day from how Mommy and Holly will first take Myleigh to school, we will wave goodbye and come back home. Holly will play and watch her shows, and then have lunch and get ready for school. Then how we will go to the kindergarten parking lot, mommy will park the car, mommy and Holly will go in the entrance and then to Mrs Peterson's classroom. Mommy and Holly will say goodbye, give hug and kiss, and then mommy will drive home and Holly will stay with Mrs Peterson and the other kids in her class. We talked about some of the kinds of things she will do in class, and then how the bell will ring when it's time to go home, Mrs Peterson will take all the children outside to wait. Then Myleigh will come and pick her up and together they will ride their scooters home.

So, that's pretty much how it unfolded for her. the only difference was that I brought her to class about ten minutes early, and she had some one on one time with Mrs Peterson, so she could walk her through the things Holly is to do when she comes into class, and just to acclimate her to the room a bit more before it was full of noisy kids demanding Mrs Petersons attention. I said good bye, she hugged me very tightly, said I love you mom, and we gave each other kisses on the cheek. When I left, I snapped a picture of the two of them looking at the first little story book the children will be learning from, and off I went.

That afternoon I waited very anxiously on the front step watching for the girls to appear, hoping that the day had gone well. It seemed forever watching all the children filing past our house, and then I spied them. Holly was on her scooter, way out in front of Myleigh, and scooting as fast as she could. When she got close enough to see me, she shouted out "Mommy!!" I went out into the yard, and she ran up to me, threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. I asked if she had fun at school and she said yes. After a few minutes of excited chatting about the things she did, I knew we had conquered another milestone.

Now, several weeks later, she still likes school, and has learned how to write and recognize three letters, including the letter H, which she proudly will tell you is the first letter in her name.

Pictures to follow.

Smores

Holly has discovered that roasting marshmallows is great, but, putting them on crackers with chocolate, Sheer Genius!!

Getting ready for the big day

the first day of school is just around the corner, and Holly is so excited. Im not sure how much of the whole school experience she really grasps, but, the fact that she gets to pick out her school supplies is very much a concept she understands.

She has made it clear that a Spongbob back pack is required, as are Spongebob shoes.

Her language aquisition is nothing short of amazing. Nothing gets past this kid, especially when it comes to going anywhere with Mommy. She loves to go shopping, and has, for the most part, opted out of riding in the seat of the shopping cart. She also knows that a treat is possible at the end of the trip, as long as she behaves herself and asks nicely.

The meltdowns are gone, and she has become a very affectionate child. She likes to give hugs and tell us she loves us, which just melts my heart. She does have one funny quirk, well, not funny if you're on the receiving end. She seems to have a limit to the number of people that can, on any given day, be part of her circle of trust. It's usually one of the older girls, she will act like she doesn't like them anymore. It can really hurt their feelings, and I tolerated it for a while thinking she was just having to get used to so many people in her formerly very small circle. Then she decided that Katie's friend Chad was in and Katie was out. Well, that was that. I stood her in front of Katie, and explained that she should not say mean things to her, she is her sister, and she loves her. I told her that when she says mean things it hurts Katie's feelings, and she needs to say she's sorry. It took just a few minutes to get the idea across, but, she soon apologized to Katie and we haven't had it happen since, but, only time will tell.

Holly has a tendency to be a tom boy and avoids all things girly, much to my chagrine. We took Myleigh to pick out her Baptism dress, and Holly was with us. While Myleigh played dress up, trying on dress after dress, Holly was bored and not too happy to be surrounded by lace and ruffles. I tried to convince her to choose a dress for herself, and she just snarled at me. I would pick up a dress and say, what about this, and she would just snarl or say "Can't want it" Which means in Holly speak "I don't want it".

Myleigh chose her dress, finally, and we were getting ready to pay for it, when Holly figured out that she wasn't getting anything. In her panic, she agreed to find a dress, and she made a beeline for a school girl uniform style red plaid dress. It was definitely her.

Next spring I plan to sign both girls up for soft ball. Holly will be an absolutely perfect fit for it, and Myleigh has wanted to play softball for a couple of years now. When I mentioned it to Holly she seemed to understand what I was talking about, so, Im wondering if she was exposed to it in China. I guess we'll see. I taught my older kids how to play, so, Ill be working on that with Holly and Myleigh.

Myleigh's birthday

Just goofing around in front of our decorated door waiting for Myleigh's birthday guests to arrive.

Scottish Festival 2010

These are pictures we took at the Scottish Festival. We took both girls to the vendors booths to find something fun. Myleigh immediately picked out a parasol, and we showed them to Holly to see if she wanted one. She grimaced and shook her head no. Knowing that this girl is like me, not a girly girl at all, I asked her if she wanted a sword, and she lit up and said Yes very quickly and clearly. She picked out the biggest one she could find. As you can see in the picture, she is very proud of her sword.

some new pictures

Holly really likes Birthday cake, and has been telling us about the birthday she had in China and how her friends shared her cake. She is just starting to understand that we sent her that cake and the panda.

It's July!!

Wow, time has flown by. Life has returned to what we now know as normal. Holly is talking a blue streak, all day long, and has officially entered the WHY stage. Every question is followed up with WHY. It can be exhausting, but, to me, the fact that this gives me a chance to explain things in even more detail to her is a bonus. It means she is still listening. There is a point where I just can't answer any more, and have to distract her onto something else, but, its a really good sign .

The only time she speaks Chinese is the occasional word or two here and there. It's sad to know she has lost much of her native language, and we did all we could to slow that process down, but, we knew her brain would have to make the switch at some point just for survival while she absorbs a completely new language.

Sundays have been a struggle. Holly did not like going to Primary, as it meant seperating from one of her grown ups, and being in a class with children she really doesnt know, except for her best buddy Savannah. She would do whatever it took to get out of it. Usually resorting to crying and asking to go home. I advised everyone to keep going with her, sitting with her, and just being a silent support system, but, to not give in to her insisting on leaving. For the most part she would resist just for a few minutes, and then natural curiosity of what was going on took over and she would be fine until something changed, like when it was time to go from group sharing time to her individual class. Then she would start in again until they were settled in the classroom. This went on, up and down, for months, and then, a couple of weeks ago she decided she was going to push Mindy's buttons, knowing both Mommy and Daddy were at work. She had a full on melt down, and it was just too disruptive to the rest of the class to keep her in the room. Mindy brought her outside and called me at work. I told her to just sit outside with her, do not take her home, and just wait til it was time for the rest of the kids to get out of class. As expected, as soon as class time was over, Holly reverted back to being happy as a clam.

So, when I got home I had Myleigh collect some crayons and paper and I sat them both down and had them watch as I drew a diagram of the church. I drew all of the rooms, and labeled them. We talked a bit about those rooms to make sure Holly understood that this was our church. Then I used different crayons to indicate each of us, and one for our car. I showed us driving our car to church, and parking in our usual spot. I made sure Holly was following along. I could tell she was not liking the part where we go to church, but, that was the focus of this exercise. To deal with what it was about going to church she didnt like. I had surmised that due to her stress level rising predictably whenever she didnt know for certain what was going on, it was the unknown that was making her afraid. Her abandonement issues were welling up inside her, and activating her fight or flight response. Since she couldnt fight it, she was trying to escape going all together.

As I showed us walking together into church, and going into the chapel, as we always do first, she was only ok with it, but, was watching with interest. I talked about all the things that happen in the chapel, and she went along. Then I said it was time to go to Primary. She glanced up at me with reservation but didn't really protest yet. I said, Holly and Myleigh hold hands and walk nicely to sharing time. I showed them and traced their path, and then traced Myleigh going to her seat in sharing time, and Holly going to hers, and talked about how Savannah was there, and her teacher, and all the other kids in Holly's class. Then we talked about all the things that happen in sharing time. I showed her how Mommy, and Daddy go to their class. She was very interested in that, and I did it twice to really make it sink in, and so she could see on the diagram exactly where we are in relation to where she is.

And then, it was time to go to class. This was when I could see her stiffen up and start to get nervous. I told her how Myleigh goes to her class with her teacher, and traced Myleigh's path. Then I said Holly goes to her class with her teacher and with Savannah and then traced their path. I showed her how the chairs are arranged in the classroom, and asked if that was right. She agreed, and I asked where she would sit. She pointed and I drew her there. Suddenly she was liking this game and really started to play along. We talked about what happens in her class, and then I showed her that Mommy and Daddy go to a different class now, and traced us on our paths. She followed intently.

Then it was time to go home. I showed how Holly waits in her class with her teacher until Mommy or Daddy or Mindy or Myleigh come to get her. Then I showed Myleigh coming from her class all the way around the hallway and how we all meet together, get our jackets, and go to our car, and drive home. The story was complete and she could see every step and knew where everyone was, that we didnt leave her alone in the building, and that we all get together again and go home together. She sighed very deeply and smiled. Then, we told the story all over again, but, this time, she told much of it. I would ask her now and then, Where is Mommy, or Where is Daddy's class. She could point them out quickly. I would ask her where Holly's class is, and again, she pointed it out quickly.

I figured, since I was more worried about how she would respond to going to kindergarten next month than how we would deal with church, that it was time to add another drawing, so I drew the school. Then I went through much the same process to show her what school days are like. She really liked this, and because of the church game, she understood how to play so she jumped right in. Then, after telling the school game a couple of times, I told her that on school days we don't go to church, and on church days we don't go to school.

So, over the coming week, I kept the drawings on my dresser and she would come into my room and we would talk about the games. On the very next Sunday, Tim had the drawing with him, and she didn't even need it. She went happily to primary with Myleigh, and then to her class, and ended the day happily,. When I came home from work she was anxious to tell me she went to primary and didn't cry at all. She high fived me, and we hugged. I could see she was so proud that she had mastered such a huge hurdle.

I feel a lot less nervous about how we will get through the first few days of kindergarten now.

A few random pictures of Holly's new life. The first picture is Holly sharing a nap with big sister Katie. The second is Holly showing off the marshmallow mess all over her hands and face following the last picture of Myleigh and Holly roasting marshmallows.

Finally everyone is Woh Dee

Today Mindy got what she's been longing for, and has seen everyone else in the family achieve before her. Holly finally said, Mindy woh dee, which means, Mindy is mine.

Day after day Mindy has worked at developing a bond with Holly, and while Holly loved her, and was affectionate with her, she never said the magic words that everyone else had gotten weeks ago. Im just so glad I was sitting here when it happened. Mindy was so happy, and Holly clearly understood that she had given Mindy something special.

Life is plugging along and after all my worries that our life might never be the same again, I have found that not only was I right, but, that the change is wonderful and right in so many ways. Holly is a perfect fit in our family. She seems to be happy, and I gauge that by her sleep patterns, her appetite, the way she has relaxed and found her own space. She has had no meltdowns in weeks, and the longing looks are few and far between. She is comfortable enough to be able to communicate what is hers, and where the boundaries are as to what she will share and what she will not. She's not at all concerned to not talk about Nia Mah and Sun Mah, who she obviously was very close to. I haven't been able to actually have a conversation with her about her life in China, but, from what she has been able to communicate, I think the orphanage director and Nia mah were married, and Holly was their foster child during that time that she was in a foster home. Holly was trying to tell me something about her necklace that she always wears, and Nia Mah's name came up so I asked, did Nia Mah give this to Jun Jun, and she adamantly said yes with a look of relief as if she was wishing all along to be able to tell me that Nia Mah was very special to her.

The affection evident between the orphanage director and Holly on gotcha day, and the pictures of Holly and Nia Mah even when she was a tiny baby, during the time she would have been in foster care, leads me to believe they were her foster parents, but, until she and I can really chat about it, I won't know for sure.

Mommy Wohdee

That's what I hear all day long. Mommy Wohdee. It means, Mommy is mine. Holly likes to claim me, which just warms my heart, especially when you consider the way she treated me just a few short months ago. I was persona non grata as far as she was concerned, and I have to admit to being afraid that we would never find our way to a real mommy/child relationship.

So much has changed since we came home from China. Holly is speaking nearly all English, just a few Chinese words and phrases here and there. Her favorite thing to say these days is that one or another of the kids is "skinky". She heard me tell Matthew that his room is stinky, and from that moment on she just loves to say it.

Every night, at bedtime, Holly has settled into a routine. We send the girls up to get pj's on, and then they come down for family prayer. We barely get Amen out, and she is up off her knees and leaping into one of our arms for hugs goodnight, and I do mean leaping. You have to be ready for it, or she may clock you with her head. Then she runs for the stairs announcing that "Holly go potty" in a frantic tone. She used to say Holly oleo, but, now she just says potty. Then, its story time, usually by Mindy or Katie, and then hugs goodnight. She loves to just wrap her whole self around you. She always whispers, I love you Mommy, and then gives me a kiss on my cheek. We used to turn on a big fan for both the girls, but, Holly still gets cold quite easily, so, I decided to go with personal size fans. I picked up two clip on little ones, because I knew if I got one for Myleigh, who is a little chili pepper and always too warm at night to go without one, I knew Holly would feel left out if I didnt get one for her as well. To my surprise, she not only was happy I got her one, but, she actually has it on at night. Perhaps its just the right amount of air movement.

She has decided that her name is officially Holly, using Jun Jun only every now and then. She seems to refer to Jun Jun more in the third person, and usually when she talks about China. Its like she sees herself as a new person with a new life, and Jun Jun is in her old life. She loves to remind us that Holly and Myleigh are Chinese, and Katie, being the tease that she is, just loves to get a rise out of her by saying that Katie is chinese too. Works every time.

I am always surprised at what Holly will do and what she won't. Yesterday I took her to Myleighs 2nd grade class Mother's day program. After the program we wandered around the classroom, and I discovered that they had four little just hatched chicks in a box on the floor. I tried to show them to Holly, but, she wouldnt go near them. She was so afraid, I didn't dare push it, but, I really thought she would think they were cute. Nope.

Then, today, we went to Mindy's ballroom concert, and as part of the show several of the boys, including Mindy's partner David, dressed up in costumes. There was spiderman, batman, zorro, darth vader , and David as the Mask. At the end of the show the kids in the audience were invited to come up to have their picture taken with the characters, and Mindy took the girls up. To my surprise, she wasn't afraid of them at all. In fact, David, even though he was in full costume and didn't look much like David, came straight over to Holly and Myleigh, picked them both up and turned them both sideways to pose for the camera. Holly smiled and laughed. So, I figured she just knew it was David and since she adores him she was ok with him being in a costume. Then, she went up and had pictures taken with some of the others. She wasn't a bit afraid. So, if you're a masked superhero or villian she will pose with you for pictures. If you're a soft, fluffy tiny baby chick, ...back off.

I love you mommy!

She finally said it.

I was bent over hugging her, and she was hugging me. I had just gotten home from work, so she missed me. It wasn't loud, more of a whisper, right into my ear. "I love you mommy"

That was not just the first time she ever said it to me, but, the first time she ever said I love you to any of us. We knew she did, just by the way she is around us. It's just that actually saying it, without any prompting, or without anyone else saying it to her first, just means so much more and speaks volumes about how far she has come in just two months.

How can anyone know how a five year old will react to being taken from the only home and the only family she has ever known, and thrust into the arms and lives of complete strangers? I've said it before and I stand by it, adoption, especially international adoption, is legalized kidnapping. Up until the child reaches an age where they really can make the decision with an understanding of what that means, it really is a traumatic event no matter how well prepared they are. If I were to put an age on when they really "get it", I would have to say eight years old, because that is an age where explainations can be given, and discussion can be had where never and forever start to really mean something. When they know they may never come back and may never see their friends and nannies again they can more clearly know how dramatic their life is going to change and that making this decision will separate them completely. When they know that they will be with this new family forever, they can start to relax and work through the changes, knowing that this was their choice and that they get to keep these new members of their family. If the decision is not left up to them, at least they can prepare themselves to some degree for the upheaval, and can communicate with the guides and some of the other Chinese speaking people they will be in contact with during the adoption trip. Not that being old enough to understand what is happening makes it easy, by far not, there is nothing easy about walking away from your home, your safety zone into an unknown world. It is, however, easier to express how you are feeling, and to know when you are being understood.
It's easier for the nannies to prepare you. Whether they do or not is anyone's guess, and that doesn't take into account any handicaps that affect a child's ability to understand.

For Holly, the trauma and the inability to grasp the concept of adoption due to being five years old made it impossible for her to trust any of our guides enough to talk with them. She would listen to what they said, but, would not respond. Her nannies did a great job at trying to prepare her, and teaching her what was going to happen when we came for her, but, five year olds can only grasp concepts they are familiar with, and forever and never are not concepts they usually have to deal with. How much of the Chinese spoken by our guides that she really understood is still a mystery, as her dialect was so different. She must understand some of it though, as she still enjoys Chinese speaking DVD's, and the words and phrases she has taught us we can pick out of these DVD's, so she does at least understand some common Chinese.

We have learned so much about her personality, and what her emotional boundaries are. We can now see on her face and in her body language what she's feeling on a basic level. Still, it's hard for her and for us that we can't just ask her a question and answer the questions she has. Conversation is still slow going, broken and combined with a certain amount of Chinese. We usually get the gist of it, but, there are so many times that she gets a look on her face and you just know she is feeling something she doesnt know how to express, or she is remembering something she can't tell us about.

I would love to be able to tell her that we can still communicate with Nia Mah, and send her pictures and drawings, and even presents. She wouldn't understand. We will be sending a small box, with a picture of Nia Mah and instructions in Chinese, and I will be doing what I can to have her draw a picture for Nia Mah and tell her we are sending it to her all the way in China. Will she know what I mean, that's anyones guess. Judging by the way she talks about her, Nia Mah must have been very special to Holly, so it's important to me that some communication continue. At some point it will be Holly writing to her and me having it translated into Chinese, and vice versa so they can talk to each other as Holly grows up.

Still, for now, she has no idea if she will ever be able to see Nia Mah again, and I know it must hurt. Getting that I love you was clearly not the first time Holly hugged someone and told them that. It was so softly spoken that I'm sure it was a monumental moment for a little girl so far from the first mommy she said I love you to.

Homesick

Our Holly Jun is dealing with some homesickness.

This week followed a long spring break where Myleigh was home for Holly to play with all day every day for a week. With school back in session, Holly has had time all day to think about what her days used to be like, filled with preschool with her friends being taught by her nannies. As she is not ready emotionally to go to a preschool here, and doesnt have the language skills to be able to socialize much with other children away from home, she is probably feeling the loss.

We try to keep her busy, and engaged, but, there is only just so much we can do.

So, I pulled out her memory book that the orphanage gave us. It's filled with pages that she colored over the years, and progress reports written in Chinese, and pictures of Holly with her nannies and her friends. There are pictures of her from the day she was found until just this fall. This was a great idea as Holly became so animated, and started telling me all about some of the newer pictures, as she would have remembered the day they were taken. Some of the older ones just made her say Eww. They were of her as a baby, and she doesn't believe me when I say it's her. She just says ew.

There is a very nice picture of Holly with her nanny Nia Mah, bending down looking at flowers. She really likes that picture, and I think from her reaction to any picture with Nia Mah in them that she must have been very attached to her.

Early in the week we had gotten a package from Half The Sky, the organization that ran the preschool program at Holly's orphanage, and in it was that same picture. I put it up on our refridgerator, and she just loves looking at it. On Monday I was cleaning out the fridge and she was going on and on, telling me some very animated tales that included Nia Mah, Sun Mah, and Jun Jun (Holly). I have no idea what the story was about, but, she was so into it, I just pretended to understand and to be so excited right along with her. Then it was time to spring clean her room, which meant putting winter clothes in the underbed dresser and taking out the summer clothes.

When I pulled the matching snow pants and jacket I had gotten her, see earlier story, out of the closet, she became very excited, and insisted on putting the jacket on. I didn't think too much of it at the time, and even when she refused to take it off to put it with the snow pants I didn't really pay attention. I'm used to kids wearing odd things in all kinds of weather just because they feel like it at the time, ie swimsuits in winter etc.

The next day, just as soon as she was dressed, she put that jacket back on, wore it all day until it was time for pajamas. I decided that it was a comforting reminder of how she was dressed in the orphanage. By the third day the weather was far too warm for that jacket, and I tried to talk her into taking it off, but, no go. She stayed tight in it, zipped all the way up.

Then I noticed it. In the picture of Holly and Nia Mah looking at the flowers, Holly is wearing a jacket nearly identical to the one she was now so attached to. It made perfect sense. It was like having Nia Mah there with her in some small way. I walked her over to the picture and pointed out the jacket in the picture and she, in her half hand gestures half chinese words way, confirmed that she thought the jacket was the same. I let her know that she could wear it as much as she wanted to, and by yesterday the jacket was off, hanging on a hook in her room.

Progress....

Holly has made a lot of progress in so many areas.

She has learned so many words and phrases, that communication has become so much easier. There are still times when she isn't able to tell us what she wants to, but, for the most part, even when she can't we figure it out.

She is quickly becoming an American girl. She likes Sponge Bob (she calls him bunga bop), and Cheezits, and mac n cheese, spaghetti, pizza, chicken nuggets and french fries. There is still a healthy dose of Chinese in her, thank goodness. She still loves noodles in any form, but especially in soups. Pot stickers, rice, spring rolls.

It seems this girl has a latin side to her. She just loves latin music. Yesterday, we were at Matt and Mindy's dance coach's studio, and latin music was played now and then during lessons. We happened to notice that everytime the latin music was on, Holly would dance and shake her head to the music. So cute. She really likes it.