She finally said it.
I was bent over hugging her, and she was hugging me. I had just gotten home from work, so she missed me. It wasn't loud, more of a whisper, right into my ear. "I love you mommy"
That was not just the first time she ever said it to me, but, the first time she ever said I love you to any of us. We knew she did, just by the way she is around us. It's just that actually saying it, without any prompting, or without anyone else saying it to her first, just means so much more and speaks volumes about how far she has come in just two months.
How can anyone know how a five year old will react to being taken from the only home and the only family she has ever known, and thrust into the arms and lives of complete strangers? I've said it before and I stand by it, adoption, especially international adoption, is legalized kidnapping. Up until the child reaches an age where they really can make the decision with an understanding of what that means, it really is a traumatic event no matter how well prepared they are. If I were to put an age on when they really "get it", I would have to say eight years old, because that is an age where explainations can be given, and discussion can be had where never and forever start to really mean something. When they know they may never come back and may never see their friends and nannies again they can more clearly know how dramatic their life is going to change and that making this decision will separate them completely. When they know that they will be with this new family forever, they can start to relax and work through the changes, knowing that this was their choice and that they get to keep these new members of their family. If the decision is not left up to them, at least they can prepare themselves to some degree for the upheaval, and can communicate with the guides and some of the other Chinese speaking people they will be in contact with during the adoption trip. Not that being old enough to understand what is happening makes it easy, by far not, there is nothing easy about walking away from your home, your safety zone into an unknown world. It is, however, easier to express how you are feeling, and to know when you are being understood.
It's easier for the nannies to prepare you. Whether they do or not is anyone's guess, and that doesn't take into account any handicaps that affect a child's ability to understand.
For Holly, the trauma and the inability to grasp the concept of adoption due to being five years old made it impossible for her to trust any of our guides enough to talk with them. She would listen to what they said, but, would not respond. Her nannies did a great job at trying to prepare her, and teaching her what was going to happen when we came for her, but, five year olds can only grasp concepts they are familiar with, and forever and never are not concepts they usually have to deal with. How much of the Chinese spoken by our guides that she really understood is still a mystery, as her dialect was so different. She must understand some of it though, as she still enjoys Chinese speaking DVD's, and the words and phrases she has taught us we can pick out of these DVD's, so she does at least understand some common Chinese.
We have learned so much about her personality, and what her emotional boundaries are. We can now see on her face and in her body language what she's feeling on a basic level. Still, it's hard for her and for us that we can't just ask her a question and answer the questions she has. Conversation is still slow going, broken and combined with a certain amount of Chinese. We usually get the gist of it, but, there are so many times that she gets a look on her face and you just know she is feeling something she doesnt know how to express, or she is remembering something she can't tell us about.
I would love to be able to tell her that we can still communicate with Nia Mah, and send her pictures and drawings, and even presents. She wouldn't understand. We will be sending a small box, with a picture of Nia Mah and instructions in Chinese, and I will be doing what I can to have her draw a picture for Nia Mah and tell her we are sending it to her all the way in China. Will she know what I mean, that's anyones guess. Judging by the way she talks about her, Nia Mah must have been very special to Holly, so it's important to me that some communication continue. At some point it will be Holly writing to her and me having it translated into Chinese, and vice versa so they can talk to each other as Holly grows up.
Still, for now, she has no idea if she will ever be able to see Nia Mah again, and I know it must hurt. Getting that I love you was clearly not the first time Holly hugged someone and told them that. It was so softly spoken that I'm sure it was a monumental moment for a little girl so far from the first mommy she said I love you to.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Homesick
Our Holly Jun is dealing with some homesickness.
This week followed a long spring break where Myleigh was home for Holly to play with all day every day for a week. With school back in session, Holly has had time all day to think about what her days used to be like, filled with preschool with her friends being taught by her nannies. As she is not ready emotionally to go to a preschool here, and doesnt have the language skills to be able to socialize much with other children away from home, she is probably feeling the loss.
We try to keep her busy, and engaged, but, there is only just so much we can do.
So, I pulled out her memory book that the orphanage gave us. It's filled with pages that she colored over the years, and progress reports written in Chinese, and pictures of Holly with her nannies and her friends. There are pictures of her from the day she was found until just this fall. This was a great idea as Holly became so animated, and started telling me all about some of the newer pictures, as she would have remembered the day they were taken. Some of the older ones just made her say Eww. They were of her as a baby, and she doesn't believe me when I say it's her. She just says ew.
There is a very nice picture of Holly with her nanny Nia Mah, bending down looking at flowers. She really likes that picture, and I think from her reaction to any picture with Nia Mah in them that she must have been very attached to her.
Early in the week we had gotten a package from Half The Sky, the organization that ran the preschool program at Holly's orphanage, and in it was that same picture. I put it up on our refridgerator, and she just loves looking at it. On Monday I was cleaning out the fridge and she was going on and on, telling me some very animated tales that included Nia Mah, Sun Mah, and Jun Jun (Holly). I have no idea what the story was about, but, she was so into it, I just pretended to understand and to be so excited right along with her. Then it was time to spring clean her room, which meant putting winter clothes in the underbed dresser and taking out the summer clothes.
When I pulled the matching snow pants and jacket I had gotten her, see earlier story, out of the closet, she became very excited, and insisted on putting the jacket on. I didn't think too much of it at the time, and even when she refused to take it off to put it with the snow pants I didn't really pay attention. I'm used to kids wearing odd things in all kinds of weather just because they feel like it at the time, ie swimsuits in winter etc.
The next day, just as soon as she was dressed, she put that jacket back on, wore it all day until it was time for pajamas. I decided that it was a comforting reminder of how she was dressed in the orphanage. By the third day the weather was far too warm for that jacket, and I tried to talk her into taking it off, but, no go. She stayed tight in it, zipped all the way up.
Then I noticed it. In the picture of Holly and Nia Mah looking at the flowers, Holly is wearing a jacket nearly identical to the one she was now so attached to. It made perfect sense. It was like having Nia Mah there with her in some small way. I walked her over to the picture and pointed out the jacket in the picture and she, in her half hand gestures half chinese words way, confirmed that she thought the jacket was the same. I let her know that she could wear it as much as she wanted to, and by yesterday the jacket was off, hanging on a hook in her room.
This week followed a long spring break where Myleigh was home for Holly to play with all day every day for a week. With school back in session, Holly has had time all day to think about what her days used to be like, filled with preschool with her friends being taught by her nannies. As she is not ready emotionally to go to a preschool here, and doesnt have the language skills to be able to socialize much with other children away from home, she is probably feeling the loss.
We try to keep her busy, and engaged, but, there is only just so much we can do.
So, I pulled out her memory book that the orphanage gave us. It's filled with pages that she colored over the years, and progress reports written in Chinese, and pictures of Holly with her nannies and her friends. There are pictures of her from the day she was found until just this fall. This was a great idea as Holly became so animated, and started telling me all about some of the newer pictures, as she would have remembered the day they were taken. Some of the older ones just made her say Eww. They were of her as a baby, and she doesn't believe me when I say it's her. She just says ew.
There is a very nice picture of Holly with her nanny Nia Mah, bending down looking at flowers. She really likes that picture, and I think from her reaction to any picture with Nia Mah in them that she must have been very attached to her.
Early in the week we had gotten a package from Half The Sky, the organization that ran the preschool program at Holly's orphanage, and in it was that same picture. I put it up on our refridgerator, and she just loves looking at it. On Monday I was cleaning out the fridge and she was going on and on, telling me some very animated tales that included Nia Mah, Sun Mah, and Jun Jun (Holly). I have no idea what the story was about, but, she was so into it, I just pretended to understand and to be so excited right along with her. Then it was time to spring clean her room, which meant putting winter clothes in the underbed dresser and taking out the summer clothes.
When I pulled the matching snow pants and jacket I had gotten her, see earlier story, out of the closet, she became very excited, and insisted on putting the jacket on. I didn't think too much of it at the time, and even when she refused to take it off to put it with the snow pants I didn't really pay attention. I'm used to kids wearing odd things in all kinds of weather just because they feel like it at the time, ie swimsuits in winter etc.
The next day, just as soon as she was dressed, she put that jacket back on, wore it all day until it was time for pajamas. I decided that it was a comforting reminder of how she was dressed in the orphanage. By the third day the weather was far too warm for that jacket, and I tried to talk her into taking it off, but, no go. She stayed tight in it, zipped all the way up.
Then I noticed it. In the picture of Holly and Nia Mah looking at the flowers, Holly is wearing a jacket nearly identical to the one she was now so attached to. It made perfect sense. It was like having Nia Mah there with her in some small way. I walked her over to the picture and pointed out the jacket in the picture and she, in her half hand gestures half chinese words way, confirmed that she thought the jacket was the same. I let her know that she could wear it as much as she wanted to, and by yesterday the jacket was off, hanging on a hook in her room.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Progress....
Holly has made a lot of progress in so many areas.
She has learned so many words and phrases, that communication has become so much easier. There are still times when she isn't able to tell us what she wants to, but, for the most part, even when she can't we figure it out.
She is quickly becoming an American girl. She likes Sponge Bob (she calls him bunga bop), and Cheezits, and mac n cheese, spaghetti, pizza, chicken nuggets and french fries. There is still a healthy dose of Chinese in her, thank goodness. She still loves noodles in any form, but especially in soups. Pot stickers, rice, spring rolls.
It seems this girl has a latin side to her. She just loves latin music. Yesterday, we were at Matt and Mindy's dance coach's studio, and latin music was played now and then during lessons. We happened to notice that everytime the latin music was on, Holly would dance and shake her head to the music. So cute. She really likes it.
She has learned so many words and phrases, that communication has become so much easier. There are still times when she isn't able to tell us what she wants to, but, for the most part, even when she can't we figure it out.
She is quickly becoming an American girl. She likes Sponge Bob (she calls him bunga bop), and Cheezits, and mac n cheese, spaghetti, pizza, chicken nuggets and french fries. There is still a healthy dose of Chinese in her, thank goodness. She still loves noodles in any form, but especially in soups. Pot stickers, rice, spring rolls.
It seems this girl has a latin side to her. She just loves latin music. Yesterday, we were at Matt and Mindy's dance coach's studio, and latin music was played now and then during lessons. We happened to notice that everytime the latin music was on, Holly would dance and shake her head to the music. So cute. She really likes it.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Easter's coming
Sunday is Easter, and Holly is so far not terribly confused by the baskets with fake grass, and the bunnies all over the house. I think she flows with whatever happens around here pretty well. I would be very interested in what she thinks of the actual events of the weekend, right down to taking perfectly good boiled eggs, dipping them in dye and making them different colors, and then just leaving them until the next morning, when she wakes up, and they are all gone. No wait. They're not gone. They're outside,... in the grass... under buckets... in bushes... all over the place. Then, what happens next is even stranger. We run around the yard finding the eggs, putting them in our baskets, but we aren't concerned about the fact that they were outside getting dirty. We are thrilled to find each and every one, not at all angry or upset. Happily we take them back into the house where we... wait for it.. ..we eat them.
We crazy Americans. What will we think of next. Uhm, when should I tell her about Halloween?
Life around here has taken a new normal path. Now that both Tim and I are back at work, Holly has had to get used to our comings and goings, and she has done pretty well, since the girls brought her to see me in dispatch. Once I had gotten home, she was fine again. It was as if she had processed that I don't just disappear, and I really am at an identifiable place. I always come home from that place. It's called Work, and Daddy goes to a place called Work, too. He always comes home, too. Now that she understands, she's fine with it.
Her language acquisition is really picking up. She says most things in English now, or at least combines English and Chinese in the same sentence, using Chinese when she doesn't know how to say it in English. She still grieves now and then, not for very long, but, it still happens. I'm guessing that when she comes out of her grieving, as long as we are very normal with her, and not pitying or overly concerned, she is better able to get back to feeling content. It just wouldn't do her any good, since we don't really have the ability to get inside her head and know exactly what she is mourning or who. We just let her know that she is safe with us, and we love her and we know she is sad and that's ok. She has the right to feel sad.
We crazy Americans. What will we think of next. Uhm, when should I tell her about Halloween?
Life around here has taken a new normal path. Now that both Tim and I are back at work, Holly has had to get used to our comings and goings, and she has done pretty well, since the girls brought her to see me in dispatch. Once I had gotten home, she was fine again. It was as if she had processed that I don't just disappear, and I really am at an identifiable place. I always come home from that place. It's called Work, and Daddy goes to a place called Work, too. He always comes home, too. Now that she understands, she's fine with it.
Her language acquisition is really picking up. She says most things in English now, or at least combines English and Chinese in the same sentence, using Chinese when she doesn't know how to say it in English. She still grieves now and then, not for very long, but, it still happens. I'm guessing that when she comes out of her grieving, as long as we are very normal with her, and not pitying or overly concerned, she is better able to get back to feeling content. It just wouldn't do her any good, since we don't really have the ability to get inside her head and know exactly what she is mourning or who. We just let her know that she is safe with us, and we love her and we know she is sad and that's ok. She has the right to feel sad.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I'm back on the naughty list .
Holly has not been very happy about my going back to work. It's bad enough that I can't really explain to her about where I'm going or for how long, but, it's worse that I have to leave home at 6am and she doesn't wake up until after 7, so she doesn't even know I have left. I'm just not there when she wakes up and I don't get home until after 7pm. I've had to do this for three days now, and have one more full day to go. From the very first day she has been standoffish, and not very interested when I come home. It takes me just picking her up and hugging her to get any contact with her at all. Each day she is more detached, and today, after asking for someone to bring her to work to see me everyday, finally, the girls brought her. She wanted nothing to do with me, wouldn't even come near me, and held on to Katie with a death grip.
So, Im back in the dog house, Mindy and I will just have to keep each other company.
I'm sure she will eventually get used to me being gone for work. In a few weeks my schedule changes, and I'll leave for work in the evening and be home but sleeping for most of the day. It will be weekends, so, I'll have the weekdays home with her. I don't know if that will patch things up,but, I have to work, so, I have no choice but to be patient while she sorts it all out, and her language improves to the point where I can explain it to her and she'll get it.
So, Im back in the dog house, Mindy and I will just have to keep each other company.
I'm sure she will eventually get used to me being gone for work. In a few weeks my schedule changes, and I'll leave for work in the evening and be home but sleeping for most of the day. It will be weekends, so, I'll have the weekdays home with her. I don't know if that will patch things up,but, I have to work, so, I have no choice but to be patient while she sorts it all out, and her language improves to the point where I can explain it to her and she'll get it.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Back to work..... sigh
Today is my first full day back to work, yesterday I worked my four hour short shift, and now I'm just about done with my first of four 12 hour shifts this weekend. Holly has had several melt downs today, but, Katie and Mindy navigated them, using my tactics of just being there and letting her work through it without getting angry or upset with her. We just let her vent for a while, and then, when she is ready, love her right back to being happy again.
Myleigh is having some issues with having Holly always up in her business. She's needing some space and probably some Mom and Me time. It's gonna be a few days before I can do anything about that, but, maybe Daddy will do. Tonight is the Timpview High School Ballroom Company's Luau, so, we'll all go have a night of fun and then back to the grind tomorrow.
Last night Mindy had her first pageant contestant meeting for Miss Salem 2010. Being the second attendant from 2009 makes the process less stressful, and we feel so much more prepared than last time. We have all the clothes, and makeup, and jewelry, and shoes, and the talent portion is coming together nicely. Music's cut, costume is ready, and choreography is almost complete. She competes on May 29th, so, we have time to polish everything up. Oh I hope she gets the crown this time, because we could really use the scholarship money.
Spring is coming next week, as the hottest day of the year is set for Monday, and I am so excited to get outside and start planting seeds and bulbs, and just get some sun and exercise. Maybe I'll start taking walks with Holly to bring Myleigh home, so she gets used to the routine for the fall. Can't wait to throw open all the windows, and maybe even get them washed.
Myleigh is having some issues with having Holly always up in her business. She's needing some space and probably some Mom and Me time. It's gonna be a few days before I can do anything about that, but, maybe Daddy will do. Tonight is the Timpview High School Ballroom Company's Luau, so, we'll all go have a night of fun and then back to the grind tomorrow.
Last night Mindy had her first pageant contestant meeting for Miss Salem 2010. Being the second attendant from 2009 makes the process less stressful, and we feel so much more prepared than last time. We have all the clothes, and makeup, and jewelry, and shoes, and the talent portion is coming together nicely. Music's cut, costume is ready, and choreography is almost complete. She competes on May 29th, so, we have time to polish everything up. Oh I hope she gets the crown this time, because we could really use the scholarship money.
Spring is coming next week, as the hottest day of the year is set for Monday, and I am so excited to get outside and start planting seeds and bulbs, and just get some sun and exercise. Maybe I'll start taking walks with Holly to bring Myleigh home, so she gets used to the routine for the fall. Can't wait to throw open all the windows, and maybe even get them washed.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Two more days and it's back to work for me
I just have today and tomorrow, and then I start back at work for a 5 day stint. The first day is just a four hour morning shift, but, then I have four 12 hour days in a row through the weekend. I'm not looking forward to it, but, since we were hit with such a huge tax bill this year, we need the money and I'll be doing this alot.
We can't claim the adoption tax credit this year since the adoption wasn't final until after the first of the year, so, we have to soak up the bills until next tax season. It'll be tough, and sacrafices will have to be made, but, we'll handle it.
Tim has been back to work since a week after we got back from China. During that time Holly has adjusted to her new life pretty well, and has taken to speaking more English than Chinese. If I were to really count, I think she knows over 100 words in English, and is now substituting those words for the Chinese even in sentences that are nearly all Chinese. Yesterday we were looking at the photo album the orphanage gave us, and there is a picture of the head nannie, who she calls Woh Jee Mama, putting Holly's shoes on her. She spouted something off in Chinese, and when she got to the word for shoes, she said "shoes" instead of Hiyah. Steady progress.
Today we registered Holly for kindergarten, and found out she needs another shot, one that is required by Utah but not by the US dept of health, and if I can't find her TB certificate, she will need that redone as well. I believe the test results are included in the consulate paperwork, and we didn't get any of that back, and won't, so, she may just have to have it done again. We have all summer to do it, so, I'm not rushing it until she speaks enough English where I can explain it to her.
She is making peace with her sister Mindy. It took having Mindy be the only one of us that reads bedtime stories to the girls. This made her special, and gave her a chance to show off what makes Mindy fun. Her acting skills and ability to create voices and make stories come alive.
Her likes have grown since we got home
Spongebob
Ni Hao Kai Lan
The Wiggles
Teletubbies
and interestingly enough, Dancing With The Stars
She still loves bananas, and any kind of noodles, but has added Cheezits, Crystal Light, ginger snaps, meat of all kinds, fish of all kinds, french fries, chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, and grapes. She is learning to like oranges, apples, other kinds of potatoes, salad dressings other than catalina, and more than just the toppings on pizza.
Holly has also made peace with the dogs, and has no fear or concern about them at all anymore. She especially likes to make them come in and go out on command.
Myleigh spends a lot of time playing teacher to Holly, teaching her numbers and letters, and how to write her name. As her language skills improve, we can work more on those things, but, Myleigh is doing an amazing job just playing school.
She has a fixation on dressing just like Myleigh, and will look for matching shirts when they get dressed in the morning. Still, she knows what side of the closet is hers, and which dresses are hers, and enjoys pointing out what is "Jun Jun's". There have been a few tears over what Holly wants to be hers that is truly Myleigh's, especially when Myleigh has had a long day already and just doesn't want to deal with the argument. Mom usually has to intercede and take on Holly's strong willed nature and put her in her place. I'm so glad she was taught discipline, as she responds very positively when I tell her no, or explain to her that she needs to stop something. Once in a while she gets upset, but, normally she is fine with it.
We can't claim the adoption tax credit this year since the adoption wasn't final until after the first of the year, so, we have to soak up the bills until next tax season. It'll be tough, and sacrafices will have to be made, but, we'll handle it.
Tim has been back to work since a week after we got back from China. During that time Holly has adjusted to her new life pretty well, and has taken to speaking more English than Chinese. If I were to really count, I think she knows over 100 words in English, and is now substituting those words for the Chinese even in sentences that are nearly all Chinese. Yesterday we were looking at the photo album the orphanage gave us, and there is a picture of the head nannie, who she calls Woh Jee Mama, putting Holly's shoes on her. She spouted something off in Chinese, and when she got to the word for shoes, she said "shoes" instead of Hiyah. Steady progress.
Today we registered Holly for kindergarten, and found out she needs another shot, one that is required by Utah but not by the US dept of health, and if I can't find her TB certificate, she will need that redone as well. I believe the test results are included in the consulate paperwork, and we didn't get any of that back, and won't, so, she may just have to have it done again. We have all summer to do it, so, I'm not rushing it until she speaks enough English where I can explain it to her.
She is making peace with her sister Mindy. It took having Mindy be the only one of us that reads bedtime stories to the girls. This made her special, and gave her a chance to show off what makes Mindy fun. Her acting skills and ability to create voices and make stories come alive.
Her likes have grown since we got home
Spongebob
Ni Hao Kai Lan
The Wiggles
Teletubbies
and interestingly enough, Dancing With The Stars
She still loves bananas, and any kind of noodles, but has added Cheezits, Crystal Light, ginger snaps, meat of all kinds, fish of all kinds, french fries, chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, and grapes. She is learning to like oranges, apples, other kinds of potatoes, salad dressings other than catalina, and more than just the toppings on pizza.
Holly has also made peace with the dogs, and has no fear or concern about them at all anymore. She especially likes to make them come in and go out on command.
Myleigh spends a lot of time playing teacher to Holly, teaching her numbers and letters, and how to write her name. As her language skills improve, we can work more on those things, but, Myleigh is doing an amazing job just playing school.
She has a fixation on dressing just like Myleigh, and will look for matching shirts when they get dressed in the morning. Still, she knows what side of the closet is hers, and which dresses are hers, and enjoys pointing out what is "Jun Jun's". There have been a few tears over what Holly wants to be hers that is truly Myleigh's, especially when Myleigh has had a long day already and just doesn't want to deal with the argument. Mom usually has to intercede and take on Holly's strong willed nature and put her in her place. I'm so glad she was taught discipline, as she responds very positively when I tell her no, or explain to her that she needs to stop something. Once in a while she gets upset, but, normally she is fine with it.
Friday, March 19, 2010
The first party!
I work with the best people on the planet, I just want to say that first thing, because I appreciate each and every one of them. Last night a group of friends from work held a shower for Holly, and it was her first experience going to a social event. She was fine til we got through the door, and she was met with a bunch of smiling faces and balloons, and lots of happy chatter directed pretty much in her direction. Most kids would beam and glow at being the center of such attention, but, as she doesn't really like new situations she did about what I expected her to do. She frowned, clung to Daddy, and bordered on crying for about the first hour we were there. I had said to Tim that he should carry her in, but, she was in such a hurry to keep up with Myleigh, who shot ahead of us to get to be the one to ring the doorbell, that he didn't get to her until we were all inside and she came face to face with all the new people.
I just said for everyone to ignore her, which is our strategy when she is feeling overwhelmed by a new experience. We just turn our attention away from her, interact in the new situation with a very matter-of-fact attitude, and just let her settle in and decide for herself that it's ok, no big deal, and she can relax and feel safe. She sat on Tim's lap most of the time, and once I saw she was just keeping some of the pouting going because she wanted to broadcast to everyone not to take her from Daddy, and keep them at arms length, I decided it was time to draw her out.
It was time to open presents, so, I offered her the first one, knowing full well she would just say no, or should I say "back" which is her new word to say when she is rejecting something. I'm not sure yet if she means to get it away or if she thinks she's saying "bad" but I'm leaning toward "bad". I used my most successful tactic to get her to loosen up, I teased her. I would pretend that I was going to open it, but, not let her see it. I showed everyone but her, and we all made a big deal about what was inside, so, by the time I showed it to her, she was very interested in it. We did that with most of the presents, trying a couple of times to get her to open one, but, she was happy to let me do it for her. As she relaxed more and more, she started to smile, and laugh, and actually interacted with people. She eventually got down and stood away from Tim, but, not for very long.
All in all it was a good experience for her, and I think in spite of herself she had a good time.
She wasn't the least bit interested in playing with any of her new toys at the party, as I expected, but, once we got home, she was into all of them, again, as I expected. I had to tell her to put them down, since it was past her bedtime, but, first thing this morning she tore into each and every one, and is now wearing some of the clothes, and is playing with the toys. With each one, she shows them to me and says "wohdee" which means mine in Chinese.
Each time she has a new experience, it confirms for her that she has a good life here, and helps her trust the experiences yet to come.
She's calling us new names, or she's using our names to mean something new. She has started calling Tim and I "mamalee" and "babalee" She'll do that when she's looking for us. It could mean where is Mama and Baba, but, I'm not sure about that. It sounds so cute. I'll be in another part of the house, and hear her calling "mamalee, mamalee!" .
We've been working with her to not only preserve her Chinese language as much as possible, but, to learn to speak English. She watches her Chinese children's DVD's pretty much everyday. We will use some of the Chinese we know, which is limited, and not correct her if she uses a Chinese word for something. On the other hand, if she is just using hand signals and pointing instead of saying an English word, I insist that she try. Sometimes she'll be stubborn, but, most of the time she gives it a try, and is proud of herself when she gets the big response from us, and especially when she says something in English without being prompted and she knows she has mastered that word. Yesterday she said her first full sentence in English with no prompting at all.
Most of the day she and I spend together and she chatters away in Chinese, with me doing my best to understand what she's trying to say, and her doing the same. Somehow we figure it all out, and have conversations. Well, it was time to play outside, and she knew she needed shoes and a jacket on. She looked around for a bit, and then came to me and said "Where are my shoes?" It was as exciting for me as if she were an infant taking her first steps.
I just said for everyone to ignore her, which is our strategy when she is feeling overwhelmed by a new experience. We just turn our attention away from her, interact in the new situation with a very matter-of-fact attitude, and just let her settle in and decide for herself that it's ok, no big deal, and she can relax and feel safe. She sat on Tim's lap most of the time, and once I saw she was just keeping some of the pouting going because she wanted to broadcast to everyone not to take her from Daddy, and keep them at arms length, I decided it was time to draw her out.
It was time to open presents, so, I offered her the first one, knowing full well she would just say no, or should I say "back" which is her new word to say when she is rejecting something. I'm not sure yet if she means to get it away or if she thinks she's saying "bad" but I'm leaning toward "bad". I used my most successful tactic to get her to loosen up, I teased her. I would pretend that I was going to open it, but, not let her see it. I showed everyone but her, and we all made a big deal about what was inside, so, by the time I showed it to her, she was very interested in it. We did that with most of the presents, trying a couple of times to get her to open one, but, she was happy to let me do it for her. As she relaxed more and more, she started to smile, and laugh, and actually interacted with people. She eventually got down and stood away from Tim, but, not for very long.
All in all it was a good experience for her, and I think in spite of herself she had a good time.
She wasn't the least bit interested in playing with any of her new toys at the party, as I expected, but, once we got home, she was into all of them, again, as I expected. I had to tell her to put them down, since it was past her bedtime, but, first thing this morning she tore into each and every one, and is now wearing some of the clothes, and is playing with the toys. With each one, she shows them to me and says "wohdee" which means mine in Chinese.
Each time she has a new experience, it confirms for her that she has a good life here, and helps her trust the experiences yet to come.
She's calling us new names, or she's using our names to mean something new. She has started calling Tim and I "mamalee" and "babalee" She'll do that when she's looking for us. It could mean where is Mama and Baba, but, I'm not sure about that. It sounds so cute. I'll be in another part of the house, and hear her calling "mamalee, mamalee!" .
We've been working with her to not only preserve her Chinese language as much as possible, but, to learn to speak English. She watches her Chinese children's DVD's pretty much everyday. We will use some of the Chinese we know, which is limited, and not correct her if she uses a Chinese word for something. On the other hand, if she is just using hand signals and pointing instead of saying an English word, I insist that she try. Sometimes she'll be stubborn, but, most of the time she gives it a try, and is proud of herself when she gets the big response from us, and especially when she says something in English without being prompted and she knows she has mastered that word. Yesterday she said her first full sentence in English with no prompting at all.
Most of the day she and I spend together and she chatters away in Chinese, with me doing my best to understand what she's trying to say, and her doing the same. Somehow we figure it all out, and have conversations. Well, it was time to play outside, and she knew she needed shoes and a jacket on. She looked around for a bit, and then came to me and said "Where are my shoes?" It was as exciting for me as if she were an infant taking her first steps.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Time flies when you're having fun
It's been a while since my last post. We've been pretty busy around here, and I am hoping things settle down a bit before I have to go back to work. We've figured out the day care situation, so that Holly doesn't have to go to a day care or babysitter. Our schedules will rotate around each other to some degree, and when they don't, Mindy will be home, so, we're all set.
Holly will have a difficult time getting used to Mama being gone so much, but, at least she won't have the stress of having to be with strangers not in her own home where things are familiar. The language barrier still exists, but, for us, it's not as much of a challenge, as we know her so well that there have only been a few times lately that we couldn't decipher what she was trying to tell us or what she was feeling. One of those times was yesterday morning.
Tim went into the girls room to get Myleigh up for school, and both girls were still sound asleep. When he was moving around the room, Holly woke up, and immediately started to cry, as if she had been having a nightmare. He picked her up and tried to figure out what was wrong, but, she just sobbed and sobbed. He made breakfast for both of them, but, she wouldn't eat. She just cried. I took her and Myleigh up to brush their teeth, and she really didn't want to cooperate, but, relented. I tried to figure out if she wasn't feeling well, or if she hurt somewhere, but, that wasn't easy, since she just wanted to cry. No fever, no wincing if I picked her up or touched her arms legs, or tummy, no sign of obvious illness. So, there was just one thing left to try.
I put in the Chinese DVD we had gotten at the Trustmart in Guangzhou of a children's performance group singing and dancing to celebrate Chinese New Year, into my laptop, and sat her on my chair at the table. She immediately quieted and just sat for about an hour watching without moving. I gave her some cherrios, no milk, in a bowl, and she munched on them while she watched quietly. After a bit, she started to interact with us, and smile. She was slowly back to her old cheery self, and asked to watch some of the other DVD's in Chinese, and then lost interest and started to shadow me again. She even helped me to let the dogs out of their crates, which is huge for her since it involves going down into the basement which is a fear of hers since it's where the dogs are kept and even though our basement is finished and like the rest of the house, it's still a basement, underground, so, not something she likes to do.
The rest of the day she was happy as a clam. All I can figure out is that she was grieving and wanting her foster grandparents, and was frustrated that she couldn't tell us, because she couldn't talk to us, so, the Chinese being sung and spoken was soothing and gave her a chance to at least hear words she knows and listen to songs she is familiar with. It's like calling home.
Holly will have a difficult time getting used to Mama being gone so much, but, at least she won't have the stress of having to be with strangers not in her own home where things are familiar. The language barrier still exists, but, for us, it's not as much of a challenge, as we know her so well that there have only been a few times lately that we couldn't decipher what she was trying to tell us or what she was feeling. One of those times was yesterday morning.
Tim went into the girls room to get Myleigh up for school, and both girls were still sound asleep. When he was moving around the room, Holly woke up, and immediately started to cry, as if she had been having a nightmare. He picked her up and tried to figure out what was wrong, but, she just sobbed and sobbed. He made breakfast for both of them, but, she wouldn't eat. She just cried. I took her and Myleigh up to brush their teeth, and she really didn't want to cooperate, but, relented. I tried to figure out if she wasn't feeling well, or if she hurt somewhere, but, that wasn't easy, since she just wanted to cry. No fever, no wincing if I picked her up or touched her arms legs, or tummy, no sign of obvious illness. So, there was just one thing left to try.
I put in the Chinese DVD we had gotten at the Trustmart in Guangzhou of a children's performance group singing and dancing to celebrate Chinese New Year, into my laptop, and sat her on my chair at the table. She immediately quieted and just sat for about an hour watching without moving. I gave her some cherrios, no milk, in a bowl, and she munched on them while she watched quietly. After a bit, she started to interact with us, and smile. She was slowly back to her old cheery self, and asked to watch some of the other DVD's in Chinese, and then lost interest and started to shadow me again. She even helped me to let the dogs out of their crates, which is huge for her since it involves going down into the basement which is a fear of hers since it's where the dogs are kept and even though our basement is finished and like the rest of the house, it's still a basement, underground, so, not something she likes to do.
The rest of the day she was happy as a clam. All I can figure out is that she was grieving and wanting her foster grandparents, and was frustrated that she couldn't tell us, because she couldn't talk to us, so, the Chinese being sung and spoken was soothing and gave her a chance to at least hear words she knows and listen to songs she is familiar with. It's like calling home.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Conquering the fear of dogs
Seems that our strategy worked. Holly Jun is much more comfortable with the dogs, and has even begun to boss them around a bit. We took it slow, and tried to be very matter of fact. We gave her time with each dog, one on one, and did not give into her attempts to just avoid them. We would walk her through the room they were in, and kept telling her it was ok, and see, the doggies like you.
Over the past two weeks she has gone from screaming in fear at their presence in the same room, to trotting out to the backyard to get her hat when the dogs were out there, and she knew it. She didn't hesitate for a second, just marched out, with them following close behind. I hadn't even realized she had gone out there until she came back in, proudly carrying her hat and telling the dogs that they could not come in, in Chinese of course.
By not making a big deal of it, and not keeping the dogs away from her, or reinforcing her fear by overreaction whenever the dogs came too close or by always keeping them separate, I think she had a sense that when we said it was ok, we were telling her the truth, and she trusted us. I hope that by learning she can trust when we say something will be ok, she will be less upset at changes as they come, which they will when she goes to kindergarten in the fall.
Over the past two weeks she has gone from screaming in fear at their presence in the same room, to trotting out to the backyard to get her hat when the dogs were out there, and she knew it. She didn't hesitate for a second, just marched out, with them following close behind. I hadn't even realized she had gone out there until she came back in, proudly carrying her hat and telling the dogs that they could not come in, in Chinese of course.
By not making a big deal of it, and not keeping the dogs away from her, or reinforcing her fear by overreaction whenever the dogs came too close or by always keeping them separate, I think she had a sense that when we said it was ok, we were telling her the truth, and she trusted us. I hope that by learning she can trust when we say something will be ok, she will be less upset at changes as they come, which they will when she goes to kindergarten in the fall.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Figuring out clothing sizes
So, after much trial and error, and knowing that Asian children have basically no tush and long legs, and long torsos, big round heads, we have narrowed down clothing sizes.
She currently fits nicely into size 5 slim bottoms, and size 6/6x tops. She could even wear 7/8 tops, but, the 6's are a better fit. She wears size 10 1/2 shoes, not the size 4's the orphanage told us, which is a relief since that means her feet are not out of proportion from the rest of her.
She loves to go shopping for clothes. This girl knows what she likes and doesn't like, and has very particular taste. We've had to do a lot of shopping to size up what I had gotten for her before we went to China. After a few trips, I took her to Walmart and we were passing the children's clothing section, and she got a confused look on her face and pointed at the clothes and said "Mama?!" as if to ask why we weren't stopping there. When I told her no and shook my head, she got a very teenage looking disgusted expression on her face and sighed.
So, if you're adopting from China, and you have been given measurements that seem out of whack, take them with a grain of salt.
She currently fits nicely into size 5 slim bottoms, and size 6/6x tops. She could even wear 7/8 tops, but, the 6's are a better fit. She wears size 10 1/2 shoes, not the size 4's the orphanage told us, which is a relief since that means her feet are not out of proportion from the rest of her.
She loves to go shopping for clothes. This girl knows what she likes and doesn't like, and has very particular taste. We've had to do a lot of shopping to size up what I had gotten for her before we went to China. After a few trips, I took her to Walmart and we were passing the children's clothing section, and she got a confused look on her face and pointed at the clothes and said "Mama?!" as if to ask why we weren't stopping there. When I told her no and shook my head, she got a very teenage looking disgusted expression on her face and sighed.
So, if you're adopting from China, and you have been given measurements that seem out of whack, take them with a grain of salt.
She's a SWAT girl now.
Holly found my SWAT DOG hat in my closet and immediately put it on. She even pulled her pony tail through the hole in the back, so, I'm thinking somebody taught her how to do that in China, because none of us did. She likes the hat and wears it almost constantly, so, when Myleigh got home from school, and saw Holly wearing mine, she ran and got hers and then of course, later on, there was a mix up of who's was whose. So, I put their names in their respective SWAT hats, and now they're happy.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The first day at Church
Here are the girls, or the Little Girls as Myleigh likes us to call them since Katie and Mindy are the Girls, on their first Sunday going to church together. It was an exciting time for Myleigh, getting to show off her new sister, and Holly did well right up until it was time to be in a classroom for Primary, and then she had a little meltdown. She wanted Daddy, so I relented given the stress of the situation, and took her to him in Priesthood session. She apparently then was ok til he took her to his classroom, and she cried, then snuggled and fell asleep, and then woke up and cried, and then when she saw Myleigh after classes were out, she was a happy camper again. What she learned was that we go to these classes, and then we all get back together, so, next week should be a little better. We'll see.
Me and my shadow
Since the kids have been back in school for a few days this week, and Tim has either been at work or at training, it's been just Holly and me most of the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon. She spends every second being with me, following me wherever I go, and helping me to do whatever I'm doing. This kid really likes to help. Right now she's organizing the grocery bags that are sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for me to take them to the cold storage room to sort the groceries onto the shelves. I just put them in a pile, but, she has now sorted and lined them up neatly.
Myleigh likes to teach her little sister new things, and yesterday she taught Holly to count to 20 in English. Mostly she just repeats what Myleigh says, but, after a while I expect it will be something she really has learned to do. Her bigger sisters have taught her to say thank you and your welcome. She has learned to say shoes, bye bye, no (which is now her new favorite word), banana, and calls everyone by name. She still uses a lot of Chinese, and gets a bit frustrated sometimes when she's really trying to tell us something and we aren't getting it, but, for the most part she understands that we don't speak Chinese and does what she can to help us. Such a patient child.
The morning meltdowns have ended. On Friday she went with Tim to take Myleigh to school, and I guess she didn't understand that Myleigh was going to leave the car without them and they were going to come back home. She cried and cried for about an hour. I took her with me that afternoon to bring Myleigh home, and it must have clicked in her head what was going on, because on Monday we took Myleigh to school and she was fine, even seemed content to leave her there. When Myleigh came home in the afternoon she was thrilled, but, not surprised.
Each day she lets me deeper into her world and into her heart. She has been happily spending days with just me, and likes to go places with me in the car. Then, yesterday, there was another sudden breakthrough. We were at the Timpview high school ballroom for Mindy's lesson. We had to sit around and wait while Mindy and David danced for an hour, and that meant the girls were going to get bored, which they did. It wasn't long before they were both sitting on my lap, which Holly has never done before, and after a few minutes, Holly actually snuggled. I'm in!
Mindy is still dealing with the fallout from pretending to cry when Holly got a bit too rough in her playing and hit her. That was over a week ago, but, Holly has not forgiven her entirely, and still pushes her away when she tries to play or love on her. It's getting better, but, I can tell it hurts her, especially since she was the favorite for the first week, and now, she can't even pick her up without a protest. In time it will be fine, but, Holly has to deal with the way Mindy is, and how she teases and pretends, which obviously we can't explain to her. Mindy was all fun and frolic until she did something Holly couldn't interpret, and that was that. It's such a fine line we all walk, realizing that some things just can't happen until we can say to her in words she will understand that this is ok or that is ok and not to worry about it.
The dogs are still an issue for her. We try to keep them outside or in their crates to some degree, but, give her some interaction with them increasingly so she will slowly get comfortable with them. More and more we just leave them in and just let her know that they are inside so she isn't surprised. A couple of times she has encountered them and been ok, not thrilled, but, the less they pay attention to her the easier it gets. And then there was last night. She had been in the office with Myleigh playing with their kitchen set, and Myleigh decided to come into the kitchen, where the dogs were, and show us something. After a bit I asked where Holly was, and we went looking for her. I found her upstairs on her bed, and when she saw me she cried. I brought her downstairs, and she immediatley started looking for the dogs, and that told me pretty much what I think happened. She tried to follow Myleigh, saw that the dogs were inside, and didn't know how to tell us that she wanted to come into the kitchen, too. She went to her bedroom where she knew the dogs could not go. They are only allowed in the kitchen and dining room, but, she worries that they will be able to come down the hallway to the office, so she doesn't trust that she is safe there. The dogs have never done anything to be concerned about, except that Duncan, the Westie, is very interested and wants desperately to sniff her to figure her out, and she wants none of that, which makes him that much more determined, and Daisy the Pomeranian is such a clown, she bounces and dances around constantly, which freaks Holly out, because she is so unpredictable.
I'm planning to do more proactive interaction with her this week with the dogs. Already I have had her give them treats from the safety of the loveseat in the dining room, and have had her stand beside me on the floor as they walked around, and she was ok with that, so, I expect slow but steady progress with a few set backs along the way. By the end of the month we should be able to have her not so afraid, maybe just cautious.
Myleigh likes to teach her little sister new things, and yesterday she taught Holly to count to 20 in English. Mostly she just repeats what Myleigh says, but, after a while I expect it will be something she really has learned to do. Her bigger sisters have taught her to say thank you and your welcome. She has learned to say shoes, bye bye, no (which is now her new favorite word), banana, and calls everyone by name. She still uses a lot of Chinese, and gets a bit frustrated sometimes when she's really trying to tell us something and we aren't getting it, but, for the most part she understands that we don't speak Chinese and does what she can to help us. Such a patient child.
The morning meltdowns have ended. On Friday she went with Tim to take Myleigh to school, and I guess she didn't understand that Myleigh was going to leave the car without them and they were going to come back home. She cried and cried for about an hour. I took her with me that afternoon to bring Myleigh home, and it must have clicked in her head what was going on, because on Monday we took Myleigh to school and she was fine, even seemed content to leave her there. When Myleigh came home in the afternoon she was thrilled, but, not surprised.
Each day she lets me deeper into her world and into her heart. She has been happily spending days with just me, and likes to go places with me in the car. Then, yesterday, there was another sudden breakthrough. We were at the Timpview high school ballroom for Mindy's lesson. We had to sit around and wait while Mindy and David danced for an hour, and that meant the girls were going to get bored, which they did. It wasn't long before they were both sitting on my lap, which Holly has never done before, and after a few minutes, Holly actually snuggled. I'm in!
Mindy is still dealing with the fallout from pretending to cry when Holly got a bit too rough in her playing and hit her. That was over a week ago, but, Holly has not forgiven her entirely, and still pushes her away when she tries to play or love on her. It's getting better, but, I can tell it hurts her, especially since she was the favorite for the first week, and now, she can't even pick her up without a protest. In time it will be fine, but, Holly has to deal with the way Mindy is, and how she teases and pretends, which obviously we can't explain to her. Mindy was all fun and frolic until she did something Holly couldn't interpret, and that was that. It's such a fine line we all walk, realizing that some things just can't happen until we can say to her in words she will understand that this is ok or that is ok and not to worry about it.
The dogs are still an issue for her. We try to keep them outside or in their crates to some degree, but, give her some interaction with them increasingly so she will slowly get comfortable with them. More and more we just leave them in and just let her know that they are inside so she isn't surprised. A couple of times she has encountered them and been ok, not thrilled, but, the less they pay attention to her the easier it gets. And then there was last night. She had been in the office with Myleigh playing with their kitchen set, and Myleigh decided to come into the kitchen, where the dogs were, and show us something. After a bit I asked where Holly was, and we went looking for her. I found her upstairs on her bed, and when she saw me she cried. I brought her downstairs, and she immediatley started looking for the dogs, and that told me pretty much what I think happened. She tried to follow Myleigh, saw that the dogs were inside, and didn't know how to tell us that she wanted to come into the kitchen, too. She went to her bedroom where she knew the dogs could not go. They are only allowed in the kitchen and dining room, but, she worries that they will be able to come down the hallway to the office, so she doesn't trust that she is safe there. The dogs have never done anything to be concerned about, except that Duncan, the Westie, is very interested and wants desperately to sniff her to figure her out, and she wants none of that, which makes him that much more determined, and Daisy the Pomeranian is such a clown, she bounces and dances around constantly, which freaks Holly out, because she is so unpredictable.
I'm planning to do more proactive interaction with her this week with the dogs. Already I have had her give them treats from the safety of the loveseat in the dining room, and have had her stand beside me on the floor as they walked around, and she was ok with that, so, I expect slow but steady progress with a few set backs along the way. By the end of the month we should be able to have her not so afraid, maybe just cautious.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Blonde hair is ok after all
Well, if Holly was having issues with me being a blonde, she is over it. Last night at the competition I felt her hand touching my hair for the first time. After a few minutes she looked at me to see if I was ok with it. Of course I was, so, she started doing it again, only this time she was reaching way up in it and pulling her fingers through. After a bit she was wrapping it around her fingers, and then putting it in pony tails.
The last couple of days have been hard for her. She doesn't like at all when Myleigh goes to school. She gets so upset. Hopefully she'll get used to that soon.
Her English aquisition is growing steadily. Last night she dropped something in the bleachers, and when she looked down and found it she said "Der it is" She parrots much of what Myleigh says, and that seems to be helping. She still likes to watch her Chinese DVD's and I'm hoping that's soothing to her.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Blending the old with the new
Bringing a child from China into a decidedly American family has it's growing pains. Like communication. We do alot by sign language, not literal sign language but a variation on pointing, and trial and error. Holly is very patient with our inability to speak Chinese, and with our occasional attempts at it which are pretty obviously slaughtering the language, based on the looks she often gives us. She has even taken to trying to correct our pronounciation, but, I think she knows we're basically a hopeless case and she tolerates us. She is picking up at least an understanding of what we are saying. If I ask her if she wants more of something, or if she wants a bite of something, she is able to get what I'm saying.
We rely on some words we do know, like Oleo for telling her she needs to go potty before we head out the door or before bed. She knows exactly what we expect, and that is the only time she will go to the bathroom on command. We play with her when she says Beeyow, which is telling us she doesn't want something, by repeating it back playfully, and she thinks that's pretty funny, since she knows we do understand that word.
I took her shopping for a few age appropriate toys at ToysRUS, since Myleigh no longer has much in the way of preschool toys. This girl really knows what she wants and doesn't want. She has taken a liking to Ni Hao Kai Lan toys, and is not too interested in Sesame Street or Barney. She likes the Teletubbies, but, not Dora. She doesn't like dolls as a rule, but, we found one by FAO Schwartz that is an Asian baby doll, and she immediately liked that one. All I have to do is show her something and she will let me know if she approves or not. If she doesn't like it, she makes a scrunched up face and says BeeYow. If she likes it, she nods her approval and puts the item in the cart.
She ended up with a kitchen set and table and chairs to share with her sister, and ultimately to put in the playhouse when the weather improves. Two folding strollers for both girls to push their dolls in. Some puzzles and a story reader with books that the reader reads out loud for her. And her favorite, a little toy microwave oven with a working turntable with some food and dishes sets for the kitchen set. When we got home, and it was all set up, she sat and played so happily and so quietly, that I was able to get some housework done without worrying that she was bored. I peeked at her at one point, and saw her pouring water from the little tea pot into a tea cup. Well, I hadnt given her any water, but, I had given her water in her sippy cup. I kept watching her, and what she was doing was sucking up water from the sippy cup straw, and then spitting it into her tea pot. So funny, but, I knew Myleigh wouldn't want to drink tea with her, so, I washed out the cups and tea pot, and put some water in the tea pot for her to use.
When Myleigh got home they played together the rest of the day without interruption, until the two grown up sisters showed up. Before I knew it, all four of my girls were playing house, pouring tea and cooking food, and setting up the table. Very cute.
When it was bedtime, I had two rambunctous girls to wrangle into bed. I thought that I had them settled down enough that they would go right to sleep, but, in a few minutes Myleigh comes down stairs to tell me Holly had pulled her blankets off her bed. Holly was laughing when I came into the room, and while I had to be firm with her and get her back into bed, it was hard not to laugh with her.
We rely on some words we do know, like Oleo for telling her she needs to go potty before we head out the door or before bed. She knows exactly what we expect, and that is the only time she will go to the bathroom on command. We play with her when she says Beeyow, which is telling us she doesn't want something, by repeating it back playfully, and she thinks that's pretty funny, since she knows we do understand that word.
I took her shopping for a few age appropriate toys at ToysRUS, since Myleigh no longer has much in the way of preschool toys. This girl really knows what she wants and doesn't want. She has taken a liking to Ni Hao Kai Lan toys, and is not too interested in Sesame Street or Barney. She likes the Teletubbies, but, not Dora. She doesn't like dolls as a rule, but, we found one by FAO Schwartz that is an Asian baby doll, and she immediately liked that one. All I have to do is show her something and she will let me know if she approves or not. If she doesn't like it, she makes a scrunched up face and says BeeYow. If she likes it, she nods her approval and puts the item in the cart.
She ended up with a kitchen set and table and chairs to share with her sister, and ultimately to put in the playhouse when the weather improves. Two folding strollers for both girls to push their dolls in. Some puzzles and a story reader with books that the reader reads out loud for her. And her favorite, a little toy microwave oven with a working turntable with some food and dishes sets for the kitchen set. When we got home, and it was all set up, she sat and played so happily and so quietly, that I was able to get some housework done without worrying that she was bored. I peeked at her at one point, and saw her pouring water from the little tea pot into a tea cup. Well, I hadnt given her any water, but, I had given her water in her sippy cup. I kept watching her, and what she was doing was sucking up water from the sippy cup straw, and then spitting it into her tea pot. So funny, but, I knew Myleigh wouldn't want to drink tea with her, so, I washed out the cups and tea pot, and put some water in the tea pot for her to use.
When Myleigh got home they played together the rest of the day without interruption, until the two grown up sisters showed up. Before I knew it, all four of my girls were playing house, pouring tea and cooking food, and setting up the table. Very cute.
When it was bedtime, I had two rambunctous girls to wrangle into bed. I thought that I had them settled down enough that they would go right to sleep, but, in a few minutes Myleigh comes down stairs to tell me Holly had pulled her blankets off her bed. Holly was laughing when I came into the room, and while I had to be firm with her and get her back into bed, it was hard not to laugh with her.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The first real hug
It finally happened. Holly finally reached out and hugged me, really hugged me. Not by accident, and not because I hugged her first. It wasn't a fake kind of well if I have to hug.
We were at the UVU Ballroom Dancesport competition, and she chose to sit next to me. She leaned over into me, and then looked up and me with a new kind of admiration. Myleigh came over and gave me a hug, and then walked away. Without any warning Holly reached up, smiled a big smile, and hugged me, and for a long time. I couldn't believe she did it, and I didn't want to make too big of a deal out of it. I wanted it to feel just as natural of a reaction to her as it did when Myleigh hugged me. I think it worked, because she has been so different since then with me. Not the way I know it will be in time, but, it's pretty clear she is starting to see me not only as the Mama she has, but, the Mama she wants to have.
She had so much fun today at the comp. I thought she would be bored literally to tears, but, with a few trips to the hallway for a run and play session, and with the team members taking off with both her and Myleigh to play, visit with the rest of the team, and dance during the open dance times, she and Myleigh lasted the whole day.
We were at the UVU Ballroom Dancesport competition, and she chose to sit next to me. She leaned over into me, and then looked up and me with a new kind of admiration. Myleigh came over and gave me a hug, and then walked away. Without any warning Holly reached up, smiled a big smile, and hugged me, and for a long time. I couldn't believe she did it, and I didn't want to make too big of a deal out of it. I wanted it to feel just as natural of a reaction to her as it did when Myleigh hugged me. I think it worked, because she has been so different since then with me. Not the way I know it will be in time, but, it's pretty clear she is starting to see me not only as the Mama she has, but, the Mama she wants to have.
She had so much fun today at the comp. I thought she would be bored literally to tears, but, with a few trips to the hallway for a run and play session, and with the team members taking off with both her and Myleigh to play, visit with the rest of the team, and dance during the open dance times, she and Myleigh lasted the whole day.
One week home.
We've been home a week today, and things are dramatically different in just that seven days.
From Holly completely rejecting me, and spending the better part of the day crying, tantruming, or whining and refusing anything I offered her, clinging to her Baba and melting down if she lost contact with him, to today. Baba had to go back to work.
After spending the night in her own bed, without waking or having any sleep problems, she woke up fairly happily, playing with Myleigh. I gave them both some cereal in a cup and she took it and ate it all. Then they played with their DS's in their room until it was time to get dressed. They are both wearing the same shirt and have their hair in pigtails. She has greeted everyone as they got up this morning, and gave big brother James a huge hug. Baba has gone about his morning as usual, without his little shadow. She hardly seems to pay attention to what he is doing or where he is anymore. Then it was time for Baba to leave, and she waved bye bye and out the door he went. As simple as that. The big event he was most concerned about and it was a non event.
Now she is doing something she has never done before, she went upstairs to play in her room, by herself! Finally, she knows she can wander around her own house. I think she really, really knows she is home and she belongs to us and us to her. She still isn't keen on the dogs, but, is getting used to them being close to her, as long as she is up on the furniture, and they are on the floor. That's a step to take some time later next week. For now, I'm glad she's settling in so well. I think the hardest part for her is when all the kids are gone to school and she is bored. Maybe now that she is more relaxed with me she'll be ok with spending time just the two of us next week.
From Holly completely rejecting me, and spending the better part of the day crying, tantruming, or whining and refusing anything I offered her, clinging to her Baba and melting down if she lost contact with him, to today. Baba had to go back to work.
After spending the night in her own bed, without waking or having any sleep problems, she woke up fairly happily, playing with Myleigh. I gave them both some cereal in a cup and she took it and ate it all. Then they played with their DS's in their room until it was time to get dressed. They are both wearing the same shirt and have their hair in pigtails. She has greeted everyone as they got up this morning, and gave big brother James a huge hug. Baba has gone about his morning as usual, without his little shadow. She hardly seems to pay attention to what he is doing or where he is anymore. Then it was time for Baba to leave, and she waved bye bye and out the door he went. As simple as that. The big event he was most concerned about and it was a non event.
Now she is doing something she has never done before, she went upstairs to play in her room, by herself! Finally, she knows she can wander around her own house. I think she really, really knows she is home and she belongs to us and us to her. She still isn't keen on the dogs, but, is getting used to them being close to her, as long as she is up on the furniture, and they are on the floor. That's a step to take some time later next week. For now, I'm glad she's settling in so well. I think the hardest part for her is when all the kids are gone to school and she is bored. Maybe now that she is more relaxed with me she'll be ok with spending time just the two of us next week.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Making new friends
Right now Holly Jun is upstairs with her sister Myleigh, and two new friends, Savannah and Mckayla, neither of which speak Chinese, at least not much that I know of, but, they have a Chinese grandmother, so, perhaps there is some spoken in their family that they have picked up. Either way, Holly is chattering away up there like I haven't heard yet. She was so excited when they got here, as they are the first kid visitors we have had. I wasn't sure how she would interact with them, but, she's acting like she believes they will understand her, and she is undaunted in her attempts to be a part of the group. I just hope she doesn't become too frustrated.
Last night I took her to parent teacher night at Mindy's high school where she is on a ballroom dance team. The whole team has taken to Myleigh over the past two years. They knew we were bringing home Holly, and a bunch of them came over to the table where I was talking to the coach. She loves two of the boys, who both have dark hair, and chattered at them and showed off her sassy side. She is loving using her few English words, especially bye bye and thank you, to the delight of her audience.
Today Holly and I had a go round over rules. I have a firm rule about how close the children can get to the gas fireplace in our dining room, and she wanted to disobey as her brother and sister were watching, and she was determined that I was not going to tell her what to do. So, in time out she went, and after the requisite 5 minutes, I asked her if she wanted to come out, and reached for her, but, she shook her head no and stood her ground. This went on for about an hour, until she finally relented, and sat on my lap in the rocker while I talked to her and told her I love her. After a bit she wanted water, and was hungry, so I fed her grapes, which she readily accepted, which is a big deal in our relationship.
Then, I did something she didn't expect. I asked her if she wanted to play outside with Baba. She was happy and cooperated with me, and afterward she has been playing with me, bringing me things, calling me mama, and even teaching me Chinese words for things. Little battles equal big victories.
Last night I took her to parent teacher night at Mindy's high school where she is on a ballroom dance team. The whole team has taken to Myleigh over the past two years. They knew we were bringing home Holly, and a bunch of them came over to the table where I was talking to the coach. She loves two of the boys, who both have dark hair, and chattered at them and showed off her sassy side. She is loving using her few English words, especially bye bye and thank you, to the delight of her audience.
Today Holly and I had a go round over rules. I have a firm rule about how close the children can get to the gas fireplace in our dining room, and she wanted to disobey as her brother and sister were watching, and she was determined that I was not going to tell her what to do. So, in time out she went, and after the requisite 5 minutes, I asked her if she wanted to come out, and reached for her, but, she shook her head no and stood her ground. This went on for about an hour, until she finally relented, and sat on my lap in the rocker while I talked to her and told her I love her. After a bit she wanted water, and was hungry, so I fed her grapes, which she readily accepted, which is a big deal in our relationship.
Then, I did something she didn't expect. I asked her if she wanted to play outside with Baba. She was happy and cooperated with me, and afterward she has been playing with me, bringing me things, calling me mama, and even teaching me Chinese words for things. Little battles equal big victories.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
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